Is Social Anxiety a Bad Thing?
‘I want to tell you a secret.’
What?
‘I get a lot of anxiety before a social event.’
So, you have social anxiety, I see.
Now, are you cool with me telling you a secret?
‘Yea, shoot.’
7 billion plus other people have it as well.
‘Wait, really??’
Yea.
Flashback
Over a decade ago, I was a complete mess.
At this stage of my life, I was in the 11th grade & was a definition of a dork.
Long hair to my shoulders, skinny, awful posture, soft voice, you get the point.
It was so bad that I began to hate talking to people.
Always felt like they were judging me with their googly eyes.
This was one of the main reasons I ended up sitting by myself in the bus, day in & day out.
There were many times the kids in the back of the bus would invite me to chill with them, but I told them it wasn’t my thing.
Too many people got me overwhelmed.
So every weekday, I sat on the bus by myself listening to 50 Cent.
The Popular Kid
Within a few months into the school year, there was a change in my bus scene.
‘What happened?’
John had arrived.
John was the popular kid.
I knew John as the kid who played sports, had a cute girlfriend, was ripped as heck etc.
He was one of the cool kids in my class.
Apparently, John’s parents had gotten a divorce & he ended up moving.
His recent move had him landing in my bus.
‘Gotcha! I’m assuming he sat with all the other cool kids in the back, right?’
No.
He sat in the front, by himself.
The Mysterious Popular Kid
‘He sat in the front by himself? But why? I thought you said he had so many friends.’
He did, which is why I had no clue myself.
I remember coming into the bus one day determined to ask him what was up.
For some reason, I felt like he was sitting by me because he was going to play a prank or something.
I sat next to him one day & asked him why he wasn’t sitting with the kids in the back.
John looked over at me & didn’t say anything.
But I didn’t want to give up so soon.
I decided to ask him if he was sitting by me because he wanted to play a prank.
He looked at me again & laughed.
Then he responded with:
“No bro. It’s just that I feel a lot of anxiety when I see a group of people.”
John felt social anxiety too??
But this guy was the most popular kid I knew.
How was that even possible??
But when he said that, everything began making more sense.
Small body, avoiding eye contact, anchor chin.
Kid was actually nervous.
But why?
A Decade Later
‘Did you ever find out why?’
Yes.
It was due to social anxiety.
The thing that I learned since being involved in social dynamics for some time was that everyone feels it.
It’s not a black & white phenomenon though.
It is very gray.
We feel social anxiety when we are going to an event with a big group or a new group.
The reason John felt social anxiety was because he was put in a bus with a bunch of NEW people.
Just because he was popular in school didn’t mean he was popular in the bus.
And his subconscious mind saw a lot of new faces that were not in his friend circle.
Results?
- Unfamiliarity gave birth to uncomfortably.
So What Does All This Mean?
This means that social anxiety is felt by everyone.
If they are not feeling it, that means they are in a very comfortable situation.
‘Is that why I don’t feel social anxiety when I chill with my normal squad?
Correct.
‘Is that why I feel social anxiety when I go to a networking event?’
Correct.
It all depends on what you are unfamiliar with.
But this lowkey is a very good thing.
‘It is??’
Yep.
Why is Social Anxiety Good?
The same reason speech anxiety is good.
Without a rapid heartbeat before your speech, you risk having a flat delivery.
But with the rapid heartbeat, you feel alive & full of energy.
Same with social anxiety.
If you are walking into a new environment & you feel the exact same as you do with your normal squad, there is a risk of falling flat.
A little anxiety is good because it adds color to the personality.
You stick out.
Social anxiety only becomes bad when you view it as bad.
Which is why I like to call it “social excitement.”
When you embrace strong emotions rather than run away, your perception of anxiety changes.
You don’t need coffee, alcohol & all that other stuff before an event because your nerves serve as that.
Your nerves are like Red Bull on crack.
So, start working with feelings rather than against it.
Now you are no longer swimming against the tsunami, but riding the waves.
Making Social Anxiety Work for you
John taught me a valuable lesson about life that day.
He showed me that popular, charismatic kids have feelings too.
And in many cases, it can be negative.
We all have feelings.
How we respond to it is our choice.
From here on out:
- Respond when you feel nervous.
- Force yourself to go into the event when you feel like walking away.
- Introduce yourself even when your imagination plays tricks on you.
You will soon realize that your nerves were trying to work with you this whole time.
For more practical social skills tips, be sure to check out the Charisma King ebook.
