Is Hosting a Potluck Lazy? Let’s Break It Down
I recently saw a lady on TikTok talking about how her dinner guests often come empty-handed.
She discussed how poor etiquette this was, and how in Italy, where she had recently moved from, doing something like that is seen as presumptuous.
I thought she made a good point.
I’ll admit, I’m a poor dinner guest.
Whenever a friend invites me to a party, I think, “They just want to hang out,” so I head over to their place empty-handed.
Little did I know, this friend and his wife had been coordinating their dinner party for some time, picking out their outfits, cooking, and getting their house cleaned up.
It’s smart to bring something as a guest to show appreciation for their effort.
This TikTok lady was making a good point… until she veered into another territory.
After her initial video gained some traction, she made a follow-up video about how she hated potlucks.
She said potlucks were lazy hosting.
That’s where I had to draw the line.
Why I Love Potlucks
I’ve never understood how someone over 30 can spend an entire day cooking a five-course meal for 20-plus people.
That sounds exhausting!
They spend hours making snacks, full-course meals, desserts, and more, and the whole house is stressed.
Chances are, one person is cooking while the others follow.
I used to hate dinner parties growing up because the house always felt like it was in turmoil.
On the other hand, potlucks are so much less stressful.
Instead, it’s a chance to be creative.
You bring a centerpiece dish, others bring some snacks, and someone else brings dessert.
Overall, the food takes a back seat while socializing becomes the priority.
When people host potlucks, I, as the guest, also believe the food I’m bringing is the gift.
The food is the gift!
It’s a two-in-one combo:
- I’m not showing up empty-handed, and I’m contributing to the party.
Do I See the Lady’s Point About Why She Didn’t Like Potlucks?
Surprisingly, I understood why that lady didn’t like potlucks.
She ties a lot of her identity into being a good host.
And when your identity is tied to that, there are expectations you set for yourself.
She reminds me of a lady named Kathy from my time in Toastmasters.
Kathy would always sign up to be the grammarian (the person responsible for pointing out any grammatical errors during speeches).
Sometimes, a speaker would give an amazing speech, but afterward, Kathy would nitpick all the minor grammar mistakes.
I understood where Kathy was coming from.
She was viewing the speech through the lens of grammar.
She wasn’t wrong, but from the audience’s perspective, they didn’t care about the grammar as much as the story.
Likewise, guests at a dinner party don’t necessarily care about how long the host spent cooking.
They care more about whether the food tastes good and whether they’re having a good time with their friends.
I’m speaking more from the perspective of a guest, while the TikTok lady is speaking from the perspective of a host.
Catering and Potlucks
As we get older, our priorities shift.
People have long days, kids, grandkids, and still, someone has to make the effort to be social.
Otherwise, everyone will lead scattered lives.
Food is a great way to bring people together.
I believe another option outside of potlucks is catering.
The TikTok lady believes potlucks put too much pressure on the guest to bring something.
I think that’s silly.
If a grown person can’t buy a quick dish, I’d question whether this is a “grown” person.
But let’s give her the benefit of the doubt.
What about catering?
I think catering is another viable option.
There are tons of catering services in West Palm Beach, my hometown.
Many people outsource the food so they can focus on other parts of the event—like setting up, making sure guests are comfortable, creating a theme, etc.
There are a lot of parts to hosting an event, so outsourcing food doesn’t seem like a bad idea.
Potlucks Are Memorable
I had no idea I’d be writing about this, but that TikTok lady’s video sparked something in me.
When she said she was against potlucks, I kind of got triggered.
Why?
Because some of my favorite parties as a kid were potlucks!
It’s a great way for guests to participate in the event.
I remember having to make shepherd’s pie for a school event once.
It was so fun to Google the recipe and make the dish with my mom.
The next day, I brought the pie in a silver foil tray, and I saw all the other kids bringing their dishes too.
By the time the event started, I tried the different dishes, and I watched as other kids tried mine.
When I heard, “Who made this?” and saw someone pointing at my dish, I raised my hand.
They asked, “What the heck? This is delicious. What is it?”
I explained what shepherd’s pie was and had to write a report on it.
It felt great as people told me they liked the dish and wanted to know more about it.
Potlucks allow guests to engage with the event.
Dinner parties become more decentralized rather than being a one-person show.
Final Thoughts
I understand where the TikTok lady is coming from.
I see why she wants to avoid putting pressure on her guests.
But at the same time, if she wants a “gift” from her guests for being invited to a dinner party, isn’t that just putting pressure in a different way?
Instead of making them brainstorm what gift to bring so they don’t show up empty-handed, why not just ask them to bring a dish?
Potlucks can be a lot of fun, and an occasional one with a fun theme is a great way to get people together and have a good time.
For more insights into social skills, check out the ArmaniTalks free daily newsletter!
– ArmaniTalks 
