How to Stop Taking Things Personally

1. Learn to tell a joke.

2. Learn to take a joke.

3. Learn to not be a joke.

The fastest way to fail at number 3 is to take things personally.

When we are too sensitive.

There are a lot of different personalities out there in the social world.

A lot of them are rude.

And a lot of them lack social skills, which makes them come off as rude…even though they are not truly rude.

Rather, nervous.

Thick skin & social skills go hand in hand.

The less you take things personally, the less you feel like you have to put on this tough-guy persona.

Charismatic people know how to laugh things off.

Yet, doing that is much harder than it seems.

Why are We Sensitive?

We were born sensitive.

Our goal is to grow out of it.

We came onto this planet crying.

If someone would remotely startle a toddler, then they would begin crying.

This is one of the reasons why people grow old…

But they don’t grow up.

‘What’s the difference?’

The difference is:

Growing old is a physical state.

It’s when you are piling on years.

Growing up is a mental & emotional state.

It’s when you are maturing & building a tougher skin.

Growing up is a direction that nature is forcing us towards.

The whole point of maturation is to understand that we are just a part of the bigger picture.

A toddler doesn’t understand this.

But once you are in the process of graduating school, that’s when this understanding should start flickering in the mind.

We are born on this planet crying.

But if we are acting like that as we are aging, then we are simply growing old.

Why Do We Personalize?

There are 2 sides to a human experience.

-The objective side.

-The subjective side.

The objective side is the facts, measurables & data.

And the subjective side is the elements that we assign meaning to.

This is the story that we tell ourselves.

Humans view life from a first-person angle.

And this angle causes them to view things on an emotional level.

There are plenty of emotions out there.

Yet 2 predominant experiences:

-Pleasurable or unpleasurable.

When a human is becoming the butt of the jokes, that’s when they have an unpleasurable experience.

‘Does the scope of the joke matter?’

Depends on the person.

Some people are thick-skinned.

It’s extremely difficult to push their buttons.

For others, calling them out on something like their fashion sense may set them off.

Each joke is relative & the level of offense someone takes depends on their background + areas of interest.

We tend to personalize when we forget that the other person may be joking or nervous.

When we undermine that the other person may be joking or nervous, we view it as an attack on our character.

This causes us to personalize.

How to Stop Taking Things Personally

One of the best things to do when we are offended is rather than asking:

‘Why did that person offend me?’

Ask:

Why did I allow that person to offend me?

The first question puts blame on the other person.

The second question doesn’t put blame on the other person or you.

Instead, it gives you a targeted area of introspection.

You may receive compelling answers.

It can be:

-There was truth to what the person said.

-You discover that you are bad at taking jokes.

-The person is actually providing constructive criticism with an awkward delivery.

-You may acknowledge that this person is malicious & it’s best to stay away from them.

This question brings a more nuanced understanding of human dynamics.

But more importantly, it allows you to take responsibility for your thoughts & emotions.

This awareness allows you to learn how to stop taking things personally.

That’s a big part of maturity & evolving out of our initial sensitive states.

A lot of people want accountability.

But few want accountability to manage their thoughts & emotions.

And that’s why only a few can handle accountability.

Shifting Your Philosophy in Regards to Social Skills

One of the smartest things you can do right now is to ask yourself if you have any sort of philosophy regarding social skills.

Most of us are just winging it.

You don’t need a bulletproof rock hard philosophy.

But just see if you can guide your mind towards SOMETHING.

The more that we grow up, the more a philosophy allows our mind to have some structure.

A few social skills philosophy I have are:

-Assume rude people are nervous or don’t know any better

This philosophy allows me to empathize with these rude people.

And when you can empathize with someone, you are able to see life from their mind & emotions.

This makes you more responsive rather than reactive.

Being responsive allows you to learn how to stop taking things personally.

Slow & steady…

-Assume people are more sensitive than they actually are

This mindset shift is huge.

For a mentally tough person, they are great at managing their own life.

On the flip side, in terms of their social life?

They can be too critical at times.

Assuming people are more sensitive than they actually are makes you more tactful with your words.

And the tonality becomes more elegant as well.

-Assume people aren’t listening & be pleasantly surprised when they are

This mindset shift allows you to speak clearly & concisely.

A lot of us ramble because we make the mistake in thinking that the person we are conversing with has stellar concentration.

False.

Most people aren’t listening…

They are just nodding their head, in la-la land, waiting for their turn to speak.

‘Isn’t that a little mean?’

Nope. It’s a reality.

These are just 3 philosophies on social skills that I have.

You’ll find out that having philosophies sculpts your mind to treat social skills like a science.

When you treat a subject with a scientific vibe, you immediately mitigate the erratic impulsiveness of straight winging it.

What do all people who take things personally have in common?

‘Uh….’

They allow themselves to get erratic & impulsive.

Plan ahead of time by building a steel framework of a philosophy for your mind to hold onto.

You can steal mine.

These set the stage for you to win the social game.

Learn to Laugh More

This whole blog post can actually be summed up in one sentence.

Quit taking things so seriously & learn to laugh.

The beauty of laughing at yourself is that you get a head start.

A lot of fears in our social life comes down to:

‘What if others find a weakness of mine & begin laughing at me?’

If you get a head start & learn the art of laughing at yourself…

You no longer will have that ‘gee whiz, it’s only a matter of time before the jig is up’ mentality.

This will take a lot of pressure off you.

Humans behave the way they do, due to YEARS of prior programming of experiences, relationships, information consumed etc.

Not taking things personally should be the default mindset.

Unfortunately, it’s not.

Train yourself to learn the art of taking a joke.

Growing up is a painful process of going from:

• Sensitive -> Battle-tested
• Thin-skinned -> Thick-skinned
• Falling apart from jokes -> Learning to take a joke

These transitions allow you to gradually level up your social IQ.

The thick skin is the ultimate weapon when it comes to dealing with others.

Build that & you’ll build an unruffled mind.

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– ArmaniTalks