How to Stop Being a Loner
‘Is being lonely & being a loner the same thing?’
Nope, 2 completely different things.
And understanding the difference will allow you to understand which boat you fall in.
Lonely is when you feel like no one cares about you or don’t have a squad to chill with.
A Loner is someone who prefers their own company & doesn’t give a fuck if they have a squad or not.
In order to solidify the concept, let me give you an analogy. Picture this:
Tim wants a girlfriend, but can’t seem to find one. Joe doesn’t want a girlfriend because he’s too busy focusing on his career.
Both have similar outcomes, no girlfriends. But the reasons behind the outcomes are different.
The same concept applies to the social dynamics world.
The lonely person wants people to chill with, but can’t seem to find the people who care about them.
The loner typically puts them-self in situations to avoid people.
Today, we will be delving into how to stop being a loner.
A loner is a very intriguing character in the social world.
Humans are social creatures to the core, so why is the loner not social?
It’s because you are not born with the loner mindset, it is developed.
Let’s explore how this came to be.
The Birth of a Loner
A loner is born thru a few possible ways. Here are a few:
1. They were betrayed many times in their past.
2. They find humans to be dramatic & not worth the hassle.
3. They have been taking care of business by themselves since a young age.
These are just 3 of many reasons out there.
‘Are loner’s unconfident?’
Many are, sure. But believe it or not, many are very confident.
They are so confident to a point where they find it laughable that they would be wasting their time on other flawed creatures when they could be spending time with themselves.
These people enjoy their own company so much that they strategically opt to work on side projects, be their own entertainment or introspect.
So a loner could be highly unconfident, or highly confident. Haven’t met too many in the middle ground.
Now that you know how loners are born, let’s ask a serious question.
Is being a loner a bad thing?
Well, it depends.
When to be a loner and not to be a loner
I’m a firm believer in everyone having their own unique monk mode moment.
Monk mode is when you strategically isolate yourself to 10x yourself.
A powerful tactic in the self-improvement world to eliminate distractions & build momentum for growth.
So I do think strategic spurts of being a loner can give you an edge.
But note! I said spurts.
The reason I said spurts is because you don’t want to make being a loner a lifestyle.
There’s a huge difference from doing it for 3 months and doing it for 3 years.
When you adopt this lifestyle for TOO long, then eventually you begin to forget how to stop being a loner.
You cut off the ability to make social connections, social assets & meaningful experiences.
In today’s world, there are more loners than ever.
YouTube, TV, Netflix, Game of Thrones are becoming people’s safe haven.
Nothing wrong with watching it to unwind. But when you use entertainment to replace people, then Houston, we got a problem!
Understand that there is a time & place for everything.
If you are someone who is in monk mode right now, then keep taking care of business.
But if you are someone who is just chilling by yourself & fiddling with your balls all day, then you’re morphing into the bad version of a loner.
So I urge you to fix your mindset.
A framework to Break Out of Loner Mode
I am going to introduce a simple 3 step formula that will help you rewire your reality.
It is designed to help you build gradual progress which will ultimately lead to momentum.
1. In order to stop being a loner, you need to understand that many people go thru the phase.
Once you digest that, you will snap out of denial mode.
Ex: ‘Who me?? I’m no loner’ *crazy eyes*
Yea I’m looking at you. You deny things when you think you are the only one going thru it. But when you realize there are many others like you, you don’t feel as ashamed.
2. Once you have snapped out of denial mode, you need to get into acknowledgment mode.
Find 3 reasons why you should be more social.
This may be tough because you are forcing your brain to find value in people although you may not currently see the value, yet.
But brainstorm anyways.
Once you get in the rhythm, you’ll probably list more than 3, and that’s fine.
But once you are done with your list, narrow it down to 3.
Forcing yourself to list the reasons & narrow it down will help you fully gauge acknowledgment mode.
3. After that, I want you to adopt the small circle over big circle mindset.
Many loners think that being social comes down to having a huge circle.
If you’ve been following me for a while, then you know I do not advocate for that.
Just aim to build 3-5 solid friends that you can talk to whenever. Make sure they are loyal, help you become your best self & have a life purpose for themselves.
‘Can I include family members there too?’
Once you have a CORE friend group of 3-5 solid friends, then you are good to go in my eyes.
So just a recap:
1. Break out of denial mode.
2. Enter acknowledgment mode by building a list of 3 reasons why you should be social.
3. Build 3-5 loyal friends. Refer to step 2 when you feel discouraged.
People Add Color to Your Life
If you build a core group of friends who fit your values, then you won’t find humans annoying.
You’ll notice they bring a special sense of joy into your life.
The choice is yours!
You were wondering how to stop being a loner.
And now you have it.
Follow the steps in this blog & then put in the work.
You’ll soon see how your loner days taught you a lot about life.
However, you’ll feel joy knowing that chapter is closed.
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