How to Stop Arguing for DUMMIES
Are you someone who argues a lot?
Intellectually, you know this isn’t the right thing to do.
But you just can’t help it.
It’s something that is happening to you on autopilot.
If so, then this article is for you.
Arguing a lot does not mean that you are strong and powerful.
‘Do people who argue a lot think that?’
Yes, they think they are strong at the moment.
Once they are done, they feel foolish.
In this article, you’ll learn how to stop arguing.
At best, you’ll be discussing or debating.
But arguing?
Nah, that will be a thing of the distant past.
Opinions are Complex Systems
When we see someone with a different opinion than us, it’s easy to personalize.
When we personalize, the decision tree shortens.
A decision tree is the multitude of options that the mind has for processing.
The smaller the decision tree, the more we make poor judgments.
Let’s say you are a lifelong Democrat.
The person you are arguing with is a lifelong Republican.
When this person gives a Republican point of view, your reduced decision tree may think:
‘This person thought of the opinion right now.’
But that’s not true.
Their past is what influenced their present-day opinion.
Just because they are saying the opinion out loud now does not mean it was recently formed.
Therefore, it’s smart to understand that opinions are complex systems.
Their opinion is not a character attack on you.
Instead, it’s the other person’s experiences, desires, and thought waves that led them to the opinion.
Why Arguments Rarely Work
The reason arguments rarely work is due to the tone.
Logical people hate this reason.
I know because I was once one of these very logical people.
I hated that someone would not listen to ‘facts’ because of my delivery.
‘They are wrong & I am right! What gives?’ I thought.
However, this is where knowledge of psychology is key.
Psychology is the systematic understanding of the mind.
I hear the quote:
Facts don’t care about your feelings.
My remix to that quote is:
Feelings don’t care about your facts.
A lot of times, the opinions that someone adopted are a part of their identity.
To their ego, it feels like you are attacking them, not their opinions.
This causes adrenaline in their internal world.
With adrenaline activated, critical thinking is reduced.
Their primal side comes out to play.
The tone has the capability to impact someone’s nervous system..
Good or bad.
How to Take the High Road
Taking the high road is difficult when you have nothing else going on for you.
Taking the high road is easy when you have a lot going on for you.
In the latter path, you don’t even notice when you took the high road!
My younger self loved to argue.
I’d spend hours arguing with people on Facebook.
Letting them have the last word would make me feel uncomfortable.
That’s because I had a lot of free time.
Nowadays, when I see others writing block paragraphs on Facebook, I laugh.
I can’t imagine arguing for that long because I’m too busy leveling up.
Writing books, posting videos, writing blogs, working with clients, etc.
I don’t have the time to argue!
One way to learn how to stop arguing is by leveling up.
Pursue a deeper purpose and a lot of the shenanigans fall away.
Learn how to level up in the Level Up Mentality Book:
Debating & Discussing
Discussing is what most people should set as the gold standard.
This is when you guys are both aiming to understand each other’s ideas.
No egos’ or anything.
It’s the idea that is king.
Discussing allows people to come out feeling energized, rather than drained.
It’s because discussions are delivered in a gentle tone.
Like it or not, tone plays a crucial role in communication.
And the tone is influenced by intent.
If you have malicious intent, the tone will sound colder than usual.
If your intent is pure (like discovering the truth) then the tone will sound warmer than usual.
Few people should be debating.
Debating requires emotional restraint, practice, and knowledge in the field.
Don’t you hate it when someone is debating about a topic they know little about?
You think, ‘Why are you debating then?? Shut up and listen!’
I’m surprised everyone thinks they can just jump into debating as if debating is not a craft.
It needs to be learned, practiced & refined over time.
Debates are needed every now and then.
Therefore, practice and keep the idea the king.
The difference between discussions and debates is that with debates, one side is logically trying to dismantle another persons’ side.
While with discussions, understanding is key.
Argue Less & Discuss More
My philosophy is simple:
I don’t try to change someone’s mind unless I’m getting paid for it.
The more the human mind is understood, the more you can control yourself before acting like a dummy.
The dummy who lacks knowledge in a field requires more willpower to do tasks that were not needed.
That’s a damn shame!
Every now and then, we may get pulled into an argument.
That’s the normal human response in certain situations.
Even sane people find themselves getting dragged into the darkest pits of life.
View the advice of “stop arguing” as “following the speed limit.”
When someone tells you to “follow the speed limit of 40 mph”, they don’t mean, “drive EXACTLY at 40 mph the entire time.”
Instead, they imply to follow a range.
35-45 mph is fine as well.
Similarly, when avoiding arguments, follow that range!
Generally, avoid arguments.
Spend the rest of your time leveling up, discussing & debating (when needed).
Social skills is learned through practice and effort.
Understand psychology & watch your social intelligence emerge over time.
For more practical insights into social skills, be sure to check out the Charisma King eBook.
In this eBook, you’ll learn more about:
-managing social anxiety
-creating small talk
-and becoming an attractive personality
GET HERE
– ArmaniTalks 
