How To Rekindle a Friendship as an Adult

Who was your childhood best friend?

My one was Steve.

He was my first-ever friend at Egret Lake Elementary School.

We started off close, then we added another guy to our crew named Tony.

Me, Steve, and Tony used to eat together all the time.

We created memories and had a blast in the playground.

We talked about how we were going to be friends forever.

Everything was going well, until…

Steve had to move away.

I still remember the final day of first grade.

It felt hot and heavy.

Me, Steve, and Tony all waited together as Steve’s mom was on the way to pick him up.

She drove a car with a broken duct-taped window.

Me, Steve, and Tony talked for a while about how we would always remain friends despite the location.

I didn’t cry, neither did Tony or Steve.

But we were soooo sad that I feel strong emotions as I write this.

Steve’s mom pulled up.

Steve got in the car.

We waved our goodbyes.

I never saw him again.

What Ever Happened with Tony?

Over 15 years passed.

Once Facebook was created, I thought about searching up Steve to see whatever happened to him.

His name was Steve Barnataus.

Or was it Steve Brownstones?

Steve Boomenheimer??

I tried every possible spelling for his last name.

But I couldn’t find anyone.

Dang, guess we are lost forever.

I was about to quit my search until I thought:

‘Wait, what about Tony?’

I type in Tony Nguyen.

And boom!!

I immediately saw a familiar face.

Tony never left West Palm.

I went to Forest Hill High School, and he went to Gardens.

I saw that we had a few mutual friends too.

So, I hit up one of my mutuals to get Tony’s number.

A few minutes later, I dialed Tony’s number!

Everything is about to be like the old days.

We are going to catch up.

Heck, we are going to go on a search to find Steve!

“Finding Steve”, will be the movie’s name.

I can already imagine it…

*Ring ring*

I await the future.

*Ring ring*

‘Hello?’

The Encounter

When Tony picked up, I enthusiastically said who it was.

I thought I was going to have to spend some time explaining who I was because it had been over 10 years…

But nope.

He recognized me from the beginning!

There was a problem though.

He didn’t know why I was calling.

I showed enthusiasm in the call.

I asked for updates about his life.

And he responded back in a creeped-out voice.

The voice of:

‘Why are you calling me again? You were a childhood best friend, not a current best friend.’

What was a 6-minute call felt like a brutal 1-hour-long call.

Tony didn’t ask me a single question.

He just responded back awkwardly to the questions I asked.

At the 6-minute mark, I hung up.

I tried to rekindle a friendship and failed miserably.

Can you Rekindle a Friendship?

Of course, you can rekindle a friendship.

The only way to find out is to get their number and call them.

There are a lot of old friends we had where it did not end due to ill will.

We just drifted apart because of location or different priorities.

For friends like that, you are just 1 call away from initiating a friendship again.

The first call shows if there is still potential.

The ongoing calls show that y’all are serious about rekindling the friendship.

One person has to always initiate more in the beginning.

Otherwise, the friendship will never be rekindled.

Around age 30+, people just have different priorities, so one person has to take the lead.

If they are not interested in having the same level of friendship like in the past, don’t take it personally.

Maybe they have other responsibilities now.

Like a hectic job, kids, a wife, etc.

If you 2 do end up talking more, then talk about the present, sure.

But talk a lot about the past.

Talking about the past brings in an aura of informality.

Informality speeds up rapport.

‘Alright, Mr. Managerial Director of a fancy company. Don’t act like you forgot about our basketball tournaments with the rival neighborhood when we were 7.’

The flashbacks to the past are how you rekindle a friendship.

Who Not to Rekindle a Friendship With

I believe it’s best to leave certain people in the past rather than bring them into your present or future.

People can change and many do deserve second chances.

Just know that your time and attention is limited.

Is this a person who really deserves a second chance?

I don’t think you should rekindle a friendship with everyone.

No matter how close you 2 used to be.

A few red flags that I look out for are:

• If they keep trying to sell me on something
• If they are toxic and negative.
• Or if they are in a completely different stage of life than I am in.

I’m in the adult stage where I’m trying to build my business and start a family.

They are at the stage where they want to go to clubs and forget the night.

Leave the Door Open

People grow apart to only grow back together.

Unless someone snaked you, don’t burn a bridge.

People who initially get into self-improvement do that a lot.

They think:

‘Look at how much I’m improving. If people around me aren’t improving at the same level, then I will unfriend them.’

Avoid doing that.

People grow differently.

You never know who will randomly hit you up in the future.

Sort of like how I hit up Tony that day.

Unlike Tony though, you will feel enthusiasm when a certain childhood friend hits you up.

‘Rizvi, my childhood friend is calling me? What a pleasant surprise!!’

That one pleasant surprise is all it takes to talk about the good memories you 2 shared.

Why not take another stab at the friendship?

For more tips on social skills, be sure to check out my book, the Charisma King

– ArmaniTalks