How to Persuade Someone

 

When you’re thinking about persuading someone, you may be thinking about saying the ‘right words.’

Better yet, the right sentences.

 

Here you are, speaking in a beautiful way.

Nice rhythm.

Great body language indicating confidence.

 

You think this other person is in awe of your speaking skills.

Surely, they are coming to your side!

 

‘Well, are they??’

Nah…

 

Persuasion is not about showing how great of a speaker you are.

Just like teaching is not about showing how smart you are.

 

Persuasion done correctly is about being useful.

In order to be useful, you need to understand what the other person needs.

 

Talk less, listen more.

Take less, provide more.

 

Persuasion vs Manipulation

 

‘Yo Armani. Are persuasion and manipulation the same thing?’

Nope.

 

At a surface level, they seem the same because of the end product. Behaviors are being warped.

But HOW the behavior gets warped is a night and day difference.

 

Manipulation is about getting someone to do something that only serves you.

Persuasion is about getting someone to do something that serves them & you.

 

It may seem like a subtle difference.

But a difference nevertheless…

 

At the core of it all, great persuasion is a positive-sum effect.

Where no one must lose for you to win.

 

By aiming to be useful to the other person, you prioritize listening more than speaking.

Because how can you address someone’s needs when you’re only persuading to win for yourself?

‘Uh…’

Exactly, you can’t.

 

 

How to Be Useful

 

Would you give a hamburger to a man who is not hungry?

‘Of course not.’

Why not?

‘Because he is not hungry. It will be a waste of a burger.’

Bingo.

 

Likewise, how often are you trying to give someone something that they do not need?

It doesn’t matter how much you try to ‘persuade’ me that your new organic chemistry book is the best text book in the field.

I have no use for it.

 

On the other hand, if you were to give me a book that pertained to my interests

Then I’d be all ears.

 

For me to be all ears, you need to be ALL ears first.

That’s step 1 of persuasion.

Find out what the other person needs.

 

It’s something that they want at a core level.

They will often flat-out tell you.

It’s your job to help them get to that level.

 

That’s persuasion without tension.

More importantly, that’s persuasion the positive-sum way rather than the old school zero-sum way.

 

How to Use Stories to Persuade

 

Storytelling is a great factor in persuasion.

‘Why do you say that?’

Because it’s subtle.

 

Humans don’t like being sold to, but they love buying.

Humans don’t like being taught, but they love learning.

 

Stories allow you to teach without the other person having a clue.

You subtly sneak in lessons.

 

View persuasion as teaching opportunities.

This turns the act of persuasion from a task where you need to ‘put on a show’ to you being a helpful friend to the other person.

 

When you are teaching a friend, are you giving them a lecture?

‘Nah, not really.’

Then what are you doing?

‘I tell them stories with analogies.’

Exactly!

 

Analogies are the language of the subconscious mind.

Analogies can convey what mere facts, data & charts cannot convey.

‘Why do you think that is?’

It’s because an analogy speaks to the other person’s experiences.

 

Every person you are trying to persuade has a big sticker on their forehead which writes:

  • What’s in it for me?

 

The right analogy addresses that question.

There is an art to the analogy…

 

How to Make your Analogies Relatable

 

To persuade, we are trying to help the other person.

Rather than trying to sell to them, we are teaching them and let them sell themselves.

 

Stories are a great way to sprinkle in meaningful lessons that can alter behavior.

For the stories to be successful, analogies are great.

For analogies to be great, it should be:

  • Language that the other person understands.
  • Examples that speak to their experiences.

 

You’ll know how to use the right language if you were ALL ears before trying to create a story.

 

Imagine Stacy is a nurse who is thinking about buying new nursing pants.

A bad analogy will be:

“These nursing pants I sell are like the new microchips on an oscillator ray.”

 

What??

The analogy made no sense because it had confusing language that I’m sure Stacy is not familiar with.

 

A better analogy would have been:

“These new nursing pants are so comfortable, that my last client wears them to sleep. The nursing pants are like pajamas.”

 

I’m sure Stacy sleeps.

I’m sure she understands what pajamas are.

Her subconscious mind will now create an association from the comfort of the pajamas to the nursing pants.

 

True Persuasion is About You Winning Second

 

Persuasion becomes an anxiety-riddled task when you make it all about you.

Persuasion becomes a large puzzle when you make it about the other person.

 

You don’t need to spend days, weeks, or months creating a story.

The story creates itself when you are listening to the other person.

 

See how you can create value for them.

Then in exchange, how you can get something back.

 

It’s easier to persuade when you prime the mind to see win-win relationships.

Rather than win-lose relationships.

 

Win-lose relationships are the byproduct of linear thinking.

Win-win relationships are the byproduct of nonlinear thinking.

Also known as systems thinking.

 

Think bigger.

Allow your persuasion to be a generous act.

 

 

Persuaders Drive Change

 

Every great act requires persuasion at one point or another.

Confusing persuasion with manipulation is sad.

This mistake causes great entrepreneurs, artists & speakers to second guess themselves.

 

Manipulation leaves a trail of dead bodies.

Persuasion leaves a trail of empowered individuals.

 

So, persuade.

If you are gifted, great.

But to become great, you need to be gifted.

‘Gifted in what?’

Gifted in persuasion.

 

Be all ears.

And then allow the other person to be all ears.

 

For more practical communication insights, join 4000+ readers in my free daily newsletter.

 

– ArmaniTalks 🎙️🔥

 

 

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