How to Forgive Someone
One of the toughest things that you’re going to do in life is to forgive someone.
Because this individual hurt your ego.
Your ego is your sense of identity
And when someone hits it hard, it not only impacts you at the moment…
It may also create a ripple effect that shakes up your world view.
This post is regarding a deep betrayal.
Not something small like a friend eating the food that you were saving in the fridge.
Trust me, I don’t like it when someone eats my pizza either!
But today, we are going deeper.
Forgiveness is a soft skill.
One of the intangibles of life.
Letting go is an art.
And unless you learn it, you’ll devolve into a bitter soul.
Let go of the anchor that you’re holding on to.
This is designed for YOU to win.
There are so many things in life that we are expected to do.
Yet, we lack frameworks on how to execute it.
‘Be confident’ they say.
‘Be more social’ they say.
‘Forgive those who hurt you…’
If you’re like most people, the word forgiveness is just that, a word.
And you are saying the word in a way where it’s a command.
That is simply a blanket command that lacks specificity.
Right now, you don’t have any MEANING behind the word.
To forgive someone is not a command, it is a process.
If you are having some trouble forgiving, just ask yourself:
What is my forgiveness framework?
When you ask yourself that, you may be shocked to realize that you don’t have a framework.
You were just barking ‘forgive, forgive…well? forgive.’… to no avail.
When you start looking PAST the word alone, that’s when you start building emotional intelligence.
That’s when you are ready to adopt the mindset regarding what it takes to let go.
The Forgiveness Mindset
One of the toughest things to do is to forgive someone who hurt us.
It feels like we are letting them off scotch free.
Why aren’t they suffering any consequences?
Are you sure I shouldn’t plot revenge?
We all heard the quote:
Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die
This is true.
When you have a deep hatred for someone, you attach a STRONG emotion to that individual.
The subconscious mind process’s life via emotions & images.
And when you are plotting revenge, you execute both those 2 variables.
- Rage- emotion
- The other person – image
A combination of these 2 constantly replaying in your internal world rewires your perception for the worst.
You are MUCH more inclined to forgive when you realize it’s more for you than the other person.
This is a major paradigm shift.
Growing up, I took pride in how long I could hold a grudge.
I remembered the betrayal with a photographic memory.
That strategy did me a lot of harm.
I became a very angry kid that would get agitated by small things.
There’s a lot of ripple effects of holding onto a grudge, bud.
Just not worth it.
How to Forgive
The main thing about forgiveness is detaching yourself from the situation.
Earlier, I talked about how betrayal hurts because it stung your ego.
And when you’re identity is personally involved, it becomes VERY difficult to view the situation objectively.
The key to forgiveness is understanding why someone did what they did.
Note, I didn’t say you have to agree with why someone did what they did.
I said you need to UNDERSTAND.
Whether you want to or not, you need to take yourself out of your ego…and place yourself in the other person’s ego.
This is NOT easy.
I laugh when someone thinks you can forgive overnight.
Like it’s a magical act that makes all the bad disappear.
Forgiveness is more about chipping away on a marble block until you see the statue presenting itself.
In this context, you are using your intellect to keep chipping away from the situation.
You learn more.
You gain more wisdom.
The more that you understand the other person’s perspective, the more you:
- Build patience
- Perspective shift
- Develop emotional intelligence
- Understand human nature
and much more
As time elapses, you have built so much UNDERSTANDING that you now realize you aren’t mad anymore.
And if I’m being honest..
You realize you weren’t guilt free either.
There are a lot of times where we brought the betrayal upon ourselves.
It’s tough to admit.
But oh well, happens to the best of us.
The key lesson that I want you to realize is that you’re forgiving by gradually understanding the other person’s perspective more and more.
And once again, I used the word understand, not condone.
Building a Life Where Forgiveness is Seamless
A lot of people begin their level up journey from pain.
They were let down by a person or people that they trusted a lot.
And that may be you.
Your fight towards forgiveness has led you to your level up journey.
You’re building a life where it becomes easier to forgive.
‘Wait, for real?’
When you are leveling up, your time span to forgive reduces by a ton.
This depends on a case by case basis of the depth of the betrayal, of course.
But when you have a goal & you’re building good habits, it’s easier not to get caught up on the negatives as long.
We still feel it.
But we are able to transition our focus quicker.
And once you’ve forgiven your first 2 betrayals of some sort, the next ones become easier.
Mainly because you know how to do it!
This is a powerful concept because the art of letting go is a soft skill.
A skill that you can’t physically measure.
But it’s one of the tangibles that allows someone to become great.
Evolving thru Forgiveness
Now the word “forgiveness” is no longer just a word.
It’s a process.
It’s like your entire life, you kept seeing a picture of the Statue of Liberty.
And that’s dope.
But when you actually see the Statue of Liberty in real life…
WAY different experience.
And that’s how it works with forgiveness too.
When you understand the word, all good.
When you understand how to do it, all good.
But when you actually execute on the steps & let bygones be bygones, that’s a different experience.
That’s what we are going for.
Betrayal, backstabbing & being let down is a part of life.
Build the thick skin, so the art of letting go becomes a seamless process.
Emotional resilience will follow.
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