How To Deal With Being Rejected on Dating Apps
The dating app game is tough.
You like someone, but they don’t like you.
They like you, but you don’t like them.
This dance goes on for a while.
It’s one thing if you don’t want to date anyone and your parents are forcing you.
But it’s something entirely different when you genuinely desire to find your life partner, yet keep striking out.
I believe there are ways to help reduce the pain of getting rejected online.
There’s no way to eliminate the pain completely…just reduce it.
Let’s first talk about why we feel pain in the first place.
Why Rejection Hurts on Dating Apps
Rejection hurts, period.
But some rejections hurt more than others.
The ones that hurt the most are when we think the person might be perfect for us.
- Physically attractive.
- Lives in the same location.
- Seems ambitious.
- Checks all the boxes.
At that point, we think:
“I’m going to focus fully on this person. Sure, I’m talking to others, but they’re placeholders for this one.”
But then things start to shift.
Maybe the person doesn’t respond with the same energy.
Or one day, they just stop responding altogether.
We think:
“Wait, were we the placeholders for them? Did they find someone better?”
Other times, they seem just as interested…until they suddenly disappear without explanation.
That stings even more because it feels like emotional whiplash.
We mainly feel hurt when we believed this person could’ve been “the one.”
That’s when the pain really hits.
The Physical Pain of Rejection
Dating apps can suck.
From my experience, there were two main feelings:
- Dread: When I messaged someone I vibed with, and they didn’t respond for hours.
- Heartache: When I thought everything was going well, and then things fizzled out.
If you feel physical pain when rejected, understand this is completely normal.
Dating apps are still a relatively new form of technology.
We’re part of the first generation navigating this new way of meeting people.
If you feel drained or hurt by rejection, know you’re not alone.
Rejection doesn’t feel good in general, but it’s even harder when you can scroll back and reread the messages.
How to Cope With Rejection on Dating Apps
Here are a few strategies to help you bounce back.
Some may seem like common sense, while others might feel controversial.
I’m just sharing what worked for me.
- Have a Genuine Desire to Find Someone
When you have a genuine desire to find a life partner, you handle roadblocks better.
But if you’re on dating apps because someone is pressuring you, the process feels more like a chore.
Ask yourself:
“Would I look for a life partner even if no one told me to?”
If the answer is yes, you’ll find it easier to deal with challenges than someone who’s only on the app because of external pressure.
- Embrace Your Emotions
If you feel hurt or sad after a rejection, that’s fine.
Not feeling emotions isn’t a badge of honor.
Allow your emotions to surface and teach you something.
We often learn more about ourselves during tough times than easy ones.
By embracing your emotions, you’ll process rejection better and grow from it.
- Have Options
This might sound controversial, but having multiple conversations going can help.
As they say, “Spin the plates.”
At least in the early stages, keep your options open.
Until you’ve met someone in person and felt a genuine connection, avoid zoning in on one person too soon.
Here’s how I approached it:
- Swiping and matching stage
- Chatting and small talk on the app
- Talking on a personal phone or social media
- Phone calls
- Meeting up
I’d suggest keeping your options open during stages 1–2.
By stage 3, you might start narrowing down your focus.
Think of it like applying for jobs.
If you apply to multiple positions and get rejected by one, it’s easier to move on.
But if you only apply to one job and get rejected, it hurts much more.
- Remember, All It Takes Is One
One way to stay motivated is to remember:
“I can strike out 1,000 times, but once I find the right person, I’ll win.”
This mentality helped me during the toughest times.
Now, as someone who’s married, I look back and laugh at all those rejections.
The same people I was upset about aren’t even comparable to the partner I have now.
Keep Persevering
Resilience is built when you’re on the verge of quitting but keep going anyway.
I hated my dating app experience.
From the endless swiping to remembering who I’d already asked certain questions.
It was exhausting!
But as time passed, I matured.
That chapter of my life helped me appreciate the partner I eventually found.
Keep persevering, my friend.
If you have a genuine desire to find someone, nothing will stop you.
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