How to Deal with Annoying Askhole Friends

How to Deal with Annoying Askhole Friends

 

 

An askhole is someone who asks you for advice and then does the opposite.

After someone ignores your advice, you think:

‘What was even the point of me giving them my time?’

 

The thing with askholes is they are prolific.

They won’t just ask you for advice once.

They will keep asking you.

 

Why Askholes Exist

 

You’ll often see people become askholes when they are venting to you about their relationship troubles.

They’ll talk about how Mary is such a bad person.

You agree.

 

Mary is a bad person!

She’s self-centered, toxic, and is holding Billy back from reaching his potential.

 

Billy listens to you.

He says:

‘You’re right, bro! I am going to stay broken up with her.’

 

You feel like you did your good deed.

Everything worked out.

 

Only for Billy to be back with Mary next week.

What happened?

 

In this scenario, Billy wasn’t looking for advice.

He was looking for a shoulder to cry on.

 

Even though he was asking you for advice, he wasn’t really looking for it.

I know this feels like a tough concept to digest if you are a logical person.

But understand that after sad moments, humans become more emotional.

 

They don’t conduct themselves in a logical way.

They’ll do one thing while meaning something different.

 

Allow People to Do What They Want

 

A big part of maturity is learning that people won’t always listen to you.

They will take their own path in life.

 

It’s better to let them make their own mistakes rather than constantly advising them to behave in a certain way.

If the mistake is not dire (like going to prison or dying) they will be better off surviving the mistake in the long run.

 

You can tell someone 100 times not to speed on the highway.

But they won’t listen until they get their first ticket, and they feel the pain of paying for a that ticket.

 

I stopped getting angry at askhole friends when I realized they may or may not listen to me.

You have to include the “may not” variable in there.

 

They will ask you questions in-depth.

They just want to see what answers are out there.

And from there, they will choose the answer that works best for them.

 

I stopped personalizing askholes when I realized I was an askhole many times in my life too.

 

I remember when I was thinking about going for my higher education, I thought:

‘Should I get a Master’s in Business Analytics & Information Systems or should I get an MBA?’

 

I talked to a ton of people.

A few of them made a compelling case for why I should get an MBA.

 

I really did think about getting the MBA.

But last minute, I decided to get a Master’s in Business Analytics & Information Systems.

 

When I told the people who recruited me to get an MBA, that I wasn’t getting an MBA, they seemed a bit shocked.

Their face signaled:

‘Then why did you ask me for advice?’

 

I didn’t mean to waste their time.

I was just trying to find the best advice for myself.

 

Avoid Becoming a Sound Board to Everyone

 

A lot of people will constantly ask you for advice and do the exact opposite.

If you have rapport with someone, it’s smart to let them know they are wasting your time.

‘Yo bud, I always give you advice and you do the exact opposite! I have a life too, you know.’

 

Some people will call you when you’re busy and give you these in-depth scenarios that you need to process and think through.

They will give the illusion that they are going to listen to you this time, but they aren’t going to listen.

 

I think it’s smart to tell them to stop bothering you.

Unless you like it…

 

‘Wait, there are people who like to be probed by askholes??’

Yes.

 

Humans love talking about themselves.

They feel the same pleasure hormones when talking about themselves as they do when having sex.

 

For these people, they don’t care if they are being probed by an askhole.

They just love to talk and give their opinions on different matters.

 

Avoid Being an Askhole

 

Thus far, I’ve been talking about why askholes exist.

2 reasons they exist are because:

  • They want to vent.
  • They want to get all relevant answers and make a final decision for themselves.

 

You want to ask yourself if you are a consistent askhole…

Being an askhole once in a while is fine.

But if it’s consistently happening, then you need to watch out.

 

‘What will happen if I’m a consistent askhole?’

Then people will stop taking you seriously.

 

You will be the boy who cried wolf.

 

The boy initially cries wolf, and the public thinks there is actually a wolf.

There isn’t.

 

The boy cries wolf again, and the public thinks there is a wolf.

There isn’t.

 

One day, there actually is a wolf!!

The boy cries wolf…

But no one listens.

 

That’s how it works with getting advice.

If you keep asking others for advice and do the exact opposite, they are going to stop returning your calls.

 

You’ll be seen as the guy who asks for advice and doesn’t do anything with it.

They will feel like they are wasting their time talking to you!

 

Don’t Personalize, Don’t Become

 

Avoid personalizing when people go against your advice.

Just realize everyone is following their own journey.

 

Some people will listen to you to the tee.

Others will completely forget what you told them after they are done speaking to you.

 

I run a consulting practice.

People pay me money to hear advice.

They aren’t asking just because.

 

Despite paying me money, many will do the exact opposite of what I said.

So, if someone can pay money and be an askhole, imagine what people can do when they don’t pay you money.

 

For more tips on social skills, be sure to check out my book, the Charisma King

– ArmaniTalks 🎙️🔥

 

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