How to Control Your Emotions

 

Our emotions have a big say in our life.

It’s one of the elements of our internal world that we can never run away from.

 

I’m sure plenty of us have heard the phrase:

The mind can make a heaven out of hell & a hell out of heaven.

 

I believe it should be:

The mind AND emotions can make a heaven out of hell & a hell out of heaven.

 

When you break it down, the memories that we remember are the ones that have a strong emotion attached to it.

We have been thru years & years of experiences in our life.

However, only a few stick out.

 

That’s because those few that stick out had the strongest emotional charge.

 

You’ll be surprised how many people are living in the past.

That’s because their memories are fixed in the past.

This is the mind of a victim.

 

In the life of a victor, emotions are our servant.

Therefore, it’s imperative that we control them.

 

Fixing Our Beliefs

 

‘What would you say is the most important part of learning how to control our emotions?’

Knowing that we can.

‘Haha seriously.’

I’m serious.

 

I spent years thinking that emotions were fixed.

Thought that’s just the way it was.

 

However, my perspective started to change as I grew older.

Things that would bother me ALOT slowly started to melt away.

 

One example was public speaking.

My early childhood consisted of shyness & speech anxiety.

 

However, joining a Toastmasters allowed me to work past that speech anxiety.

That speech anxiety slowly turned into speech excitement.

 

Hm… fascinating.

So if an emotion can be switched at one point in life, can it be switched at other points?

Of course.

 

Stop.

 

Now take a walk down memory lane.

How many times have you been able to control your emotions?

It can be something big.

It can be something small.

 

Just find a moment when you didn’t react to an emotion, were able to regulate energy levels or…

Stopped yourself from tailgating the car that tailgated you.

 

Identifying Our Triggers

 

Every human has a different trigger for different reactions.

What is a trigger?

A trigger is a stimulus that we feel before a reaction or response. The trigger serves as a narrative.

It’s extremely difficult to control our emotions when we are in the heat of the moment.

What’s smarter is to find the trigger that happens in the BUILD-UP to the heat of the moment.

 

Back to the public speaking example.

During my bouts with speech anxiety, I noticed I had a trigger of:

‘What if I fail? What if I forget my speech & the audience won’t stop laughing?’

 

That was a BIG trigger for me. Forgetting the speech.

That was my worst fear.

 

‘What did you do?’

I believe becoming aware of the trigger is more than enough.

Trying to logic with the trigger can be a little excessive.

 

What allowed me to deal with the trigger was to expect it.

So once it would come, I would not react to it.

And if it did not come, then it was a pleasant moment.

 

See if you can spot moments of feeling angry, anxious or sad.

What is that typical moment when you know you will react?

Now ask yourself, is there a trigger that you feel?

 

This trigger will be a narrative.

A narrative not in your favor. This narrative tries to paint you as the victim.

Spot that narrative & bring awareness to it.

 

Leveraging the Trigger into Regulation

 

The next thing to be aware of is that controlling the trigger is no easy task.

It’s easy to logically say: ‘I will calm down when I notice the trigger so I don’t make a fool of myself.’

Easier said than done lol.

 

You need to realize that learning how to control your emotions is a PRACTICE.

Just like a basketball player does not shoot a dozen free throws & say they will never have to practice again.

That’s idiotic.

As a professional, they need to work on their game as long as they are a professional.

 

Likewise, we need to work on our emotional control as long as we are human.

 

You see, emotions are wired to be chaotic.

Same with the mind.

The mind & emotions thrive off chaos.

Therefore, spotting the trigger is one thing.

The next part is getting comfortable with the uncomfortable.

 

Not doing anything is one of the toughest things to do.

Let’s say your weak spot is getting sad when someone comments mean stuff on your social media posts.

You feel the trigger of ‘this person is trying to attack my character.’

Plus, the trigger has STRONG physical sensations in your body.

 

The next action would be to do nothing. Ignore the person.

Difficult, right?

‘Very difficult.’

Good.

 

View this as a workout for your internal world.

It’s not simple. Just like when we lift weights.

But it gets easier with practice.

 

So doing NOTHING is one of the most difficult things to do.

But this proves an EQ concept…

‘What is that concept?’

That you are in control.

Not your emotions.

 

Level up your communication skills with practical tips, stories & insights.
7 pm EST Daily.

Public Speaking | Social Skills | Storytelling | Emotional Intelligence | Creativity

 

Add Activity to Nothing

 

What makes great sports players powerful is that they are able to absorb the criticism & channel it back into their craft.

This is what I call emotional alchemy.

 

You don’t need to stop at just ignoring the person who wrote a mean comment.

How about you ignore it…

THEN, you get all those uncomfortable emotions & channel them back into your social media content.

 

You’re killing 2 birds with 1 stone:

-Conditioning the concept of being in charge of your emotions.

-Using renewed emotions to channel to your mind. Which unlocks different thought waves.

 

Haven’t you ever wondered what creativity was?

Creativity = Structured Emotions

 

Therefore, the act of holding & rechanneling is a powerful way to prime your mind to find practical use in uncomfortable emotions.

This can be applied to all contexts where discomfort is involved.

 

During rock bottom, use the energy to go to the gym.

When getting cut off in traffic, force yourself to remain at speed level. This builds concentration skills during pressure.

In getting mean comments…use it as fuel to keep outdoing your prior work.

Make it a game.

 

Controlling your Narrative

 

Communication skills are a game of emotional management.

And it’s a game that we are in charge of.

 

All the training & books out there…

But others cannot feel your emotions for you.

 

People try to take shortcuts though.

They either bury the pain or find others to distract them.

This is a short term solution for short term thinkers.

 

The mind & emotions can make a heaven out of hell or a hell out of heaven.

When you are in control of how you feel, that’s when your behavior comes under your command.

Not someone else’s.

 

That’s how you remain the ventriloquist to your mind and body, rather than being the puppet to someone else’s narrative.

Control your energy, control your life.

 

For more practical communication insights, subscribe to my free daily newsletter.

 

– ArmaniTalks 🎙️🔥

 

 

Share This On:

JOIN THE ARMANITALKS NEWSLETTER

Level up your communication skills with a new email everyday at 7pm EST
SUBSCRIBE

LEVEL UP MENTALITY : A GUIDE TO RE-ENGINEER YOUR MINDSET FOR CONFIDENCE

Armani Talks: Level Up Mentality : A Guide to Re-engineer your Mindset for Confidence - Book By Armani Talks

BUY ON AMAZON

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

close-link

Join the
ArmaniTalks 🎙️🔥
Newsletter

Stay updated with all latest tips , tricks & strategies to build communcications skills.
SUBSCRIBE
close-link

close-link

DOWNLOAD FREE

Get the Free eBook by signing up below.​
You can unsubscribe anytime
close-link
Build communication skills with daily tips
Subscribe
Join 10K subscribers
close-image

JOIN THE ARMANITALKS NEWSLETTER

Level up your communication skills with a new email everyday at 7pm EST
SUBSCRIBE