How to be Less Judgmental
One time, I was trying to record a couple of YouTube videos in my studio.
As I was in the final seconds of the video, I hear a loud buzzing sound.
The lawnmowing guys were mowing the lawns in my neighborhood.
For my YouTube channel, I don’t edit out any content.
Pure impromptu.
So, I have to get it right in the first take.
If not, then I will not publish it.
I was in the creative flow.
But these lawnmowing guys were a problem.
What if I began an 8-minute talk, was in the final 20 seconds, and heard another buzz?
Not wanting to take the risk, I published an old video on my YouTube and decided to wait a couple of days to record the new batch.
A couple of days pass.
I am about to record.
I start another talk.
As I’m wrapping up the talk, in the final 45 seconds, I hear another BUZZ!!
I became furious.
I think:
‘You guys were just here! Why are you cutting the lawn again within a matter of days? Why the fuck don’t you guys have an organized schedule? Wait a minute… Why the hell do you guys even exist?? I heard of the Roomba. Those automated vacuum cleaners that clean up your house. Why don’t they make a silent Roomba-style lawn mower? So, you fuckers can be fired from your jobs and I can record my videos in peace!!!!’
I started to judge the hell out of these guys.
At that moment, I had a vendetta against the lawnmowing industry.
A couple of weeks pass.
One day, I end up going to a farther gym than the one I normally go to.
I get my weightlifting in and am about to go for a walk.
Rather than walk on the treadmill, I decide to walk around the nearby neighborhood so I can get some sun.
I park my car in the guest area of the neighborhood.
Then I turn on my music and begin walking.
2 minutes into my walk, I was petrified.
The lawns in front of these houses looked like a jungle!!
It looked like the homeowners hadn’t cut their lawns in years.
I was going to continue the walk anyways.
Then I thought:
‘What if there are snakes in the lawn? Shit…that lawn looks like it’s hiding something!’
After being caught in this dilemma, I thought:
‘Only if this neighborhood had tiptop lawnmowing guys like my neighborhood.’
Suddenly, I had a revelation!!
I went from judging the lawnmowing guys to appreciating them.
They never missed a beat.
Due to them, I felt safe walking in my neighborhood.
Changed Perspectives
When we are judging, it feels logical.
Initially, I was viewing the lawnmowing guys from the lens of my YouTube videos.
- When my YouTube videos weren’t getting recorded, I was able to justify my judgment.
When I was in the jungle-like neighborhood, I began viewing the lawnmowing guys from the lens of utility.
- When I saw they were getting the job done, I was not able to justify my judgment.
Once the lens switched, the judgment instantaneously melted away.
A famous quote once said:
‘A change in perspective is worth 80 IQ points.’
The lawnmowing scenario allowed me to see the truth in this quote.
How to Judge Less
- Turn the subconscious into the conscious.
- Ask if there is another viewpoint.
Let’s break down both steps.
1. Turn the subconscious into the conscious
A lot of judging happens subconsciously.
We do it and have no clue.
Being able to spot the judgment is a feat in itself.
Many don’t make it that far.
‘Any strategies to spot a judgment?’
Yes, use your anger as a compass.
People who make you angry may be people you judged too soon.
2. Ask if there is another viewpoint
I would have saved a lot of heartache if I asked, “is there another viewpoint”, about the lawnmowing guys.
Because common sense would have kicked in.
‘Of course there’s another viewpoint, dummy! The lawn needs to be cut. They are probably cutting it on random days because the homes have different owners who use different services.’
Asking the question:
- Is there another viewpoint?
Brings logic to the emotional.
‘Armani?’
Yea?
‘What if I don’t give a damn if there is another viewpoint?’
Great question.
A Case for Judging
I don’t think all judging is bad.
Maybe I will change my perspective on this in the future.
But the time is not now.
After entertaining the other side, I think:
‘Is this good for society or not? Because society’s aftereffects will affect me.’
There are people who loot and break other people’s property when they are upset.
They call this protesting.
I judge them.
There are folks who try to normalize pedophilia.
Once again, I judge.
There are folks who pretend to be journalists who pursue the truth.
But they don’t care about the truth.
They care about ratings and clicks.
I judge them.
I don’t just judge them for no reason.
But if I am asked about it, I don’t have a lovey-dovey attitude about them.
Because I think:
‘If those ideas are encouraged to be mainstream, will it benefit society?’
Nah.
I judge.
Sorry fam.
It’s not a pretty answer.
But I don’t think shaming is purely bad.
It serves as a feedback loop to avoid chaos.
Some ideas deserve to be in the niches.
Life Irony:
- Something we judge others hardcore on, others are judging us hardcore on.
In a fantasy world, judging melts away completely.
While in the real world, occasional judging preserves society.
Final Thoughts on Judging
1st tier of maturity:
‘You realize other human beings are not that logical.’
2nd tier of maturity:
‘You realize you’re not that logical yourself.’
When the 2nd tier realization is made, we become consciously aware much faster when we are judging.
We stop to consider the other side rather than waving them off.
Just like I started to see the utility in the lawnmowing guys, you may see some utility in those you despise.
For more talks on public speaking, social skills, and emotional intelligence, be sure to check out the Armanitalks Newsletter!
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