Conflict Resolution Through the Lens of Storytelling
A long time ago, in one of my companies, the workers and upper management were constantly at odds.
The reason for the conflict was the dress code.
The workers were tired of only dressing casually on Fridays.
They wanted to be casual throughout the entire week.
They were tired of dressing in slacks and dress shirts.
Everyone just wanted to be comfortable!
The managers, however, were adamant about keeping things the way they were.
They insisted that the dress code would not change.
The tensions escalated further when our rival company, located right across the street, allowed their employees to dress casually every day of the week.
When word of this spread in our company, there was an uproar, and things began to get tense.
The 20-Year Veteran
One day, I was walking with my coworker, Dennis.
Dennis had been with the company for 20+ years, and we always took a walk at 2 PM after lunch.
As we were talking, I was venting to Dennis about the dress code.
“Why can’t they just let us wear what we want? We’re not school kids, you know,” I complained.
Dennis replied, “They used to let the workers wear whatever they wanted.”
“Wait, really?” I asked.
Dennis then told me that when he first started, employees were allowed to dress however they liked.
It was a paradise.
Until…
People started to abuse their freedom.
Apparently, there were many women who wore super short skirts, which became highly distracting. Soon, men were making inappropriate comments to women, and women were filing complaints with HR. The work began to take a backseat to these issues.
After that, the company introduced strict rules about what to wear.
As I listened to the story, all I could think was:
“Wow, this makes so much sense. Now I understand the managers’ perspective much better.”
The Role of Storytelling in Conflict Resolution
When there’s tension, one thing that rarely works is logic.
Too much logic during moments of high tension can come off as condescending.
It’s like someone telling you to calm down when you’re angry.
Sure, it’s a reasonable thing to say, but does it work?
No!
Being told to “calm down” only makes you angrier.
Likewise, when there’s a conflict, presenting more facts or logical details often makes people more frustrated.
It feels as though you’re not listening to them.
That’s where storytelling becomes invaluable.
If Dennis had responded to my complaints by saying, “Hey Armani, rules are rules,” I would have been annoyed.
It would have felt like he was dismissing my feelings.
But by sharing a story that directly related to the conflict, I felt heard.
Once I felt heard, I processed the story and fully understood the other side.
During moments of tension, stories become your best tool for resolution.
When to Share Stories
A while back, I got really angry at my dad.
He had gotten mad at me for walking behind the car while he was backing out, and I got mad at him for yelling at me.
We were both upset.
After some time, my dad called me into his room and showed me an article about how someone accidentally ran over a person because they didn’t see them behind the car.
This was before backup cameras were common in cars.
As I read the story, I realized he had a point.
The most important thing my dad did that day was take a break before sharing that story with me.
If he had shown me the article immediately after our argument, it would have felt like he was trying to prove he was right.
But because he waited, I felt like he was looking out for me.
When introducing stories during conflict resolution, timing is crucial.
Give people a break before calling them into a meeting.
If an employee has been reported for inappropriate jokes, don’t scold him the day the report is filed.
Instead, calmly inform him that a report was made.
Allow him to process his emotions.
Then, share stories of past incidents where seemingly harmless jokes turned into problematic situations.
Help him understand that one person’s harmless comment can be harmful to another.
It’s best to avoid being in that position in the first place.
The timing of when you present the story is just as important as the story itself.
Receptive to Stories vs. Not Receptive
People won’t always be receptive to certain stories, and it depends on who you’re talking to.
Personally, I prefer stories based on real events.
So, when Dennis told me about what had really happened with past work attire, I was all ears.
Others may prefer hypothetical scenarios or thought experiments, which can help them step outside the situation for a moment.
For example, if two workers are fighting over a parking spot, you could present a story about two imaginary characters who are arguing about the same issue.
Through the story, you can highlight that parking spaces change, parking isn’t significant for career growth, and workers come and go.
Let the workers interpret the lesson from the story themselves.
Some people appreciate direct stories, while others prefer indirect ones.
Final Tip
The final tip I’d like to offer is to tell stories one-on-one when possible.
Dennis didn’t share his story in a group setting.
He took me aside for a walk and told me privately.
While it’s not always feasible to tell stories individually, especially in a town hall setting, if one person is being difficult to work with, pulling them aside for a solo conversation can be very effective.
When people are alone, they tend to be more introspective.
Share your stories in those moments, and hopefully, you’ll have their full attention.
With time, the conflict will begin to melt away.
For more insights into storytelling and communication, check out the Art and Science of Storytelling Book!
✨Ebook
✨Paperback/Kindle
✨Audiobook
– ArmaniTalks 🎙️🔥
