Does Someone’s Past Matter in Dating?

When it comes to dating, should you focus on someone’s past or let bygones be bygones?

It’s a tricky question.

I remember when I was an undergrad, there were three different couples.

Out of the three, I thought two were destined to break up, while one would last forever.

One of the couples that I thought would break up had a guy who was “pure.”

He was still a virgin.

And a girl who had a reputation for being with a lot of guys.

It was public knowledge, and we thought eventually, it would get to him.

To our surprise, they didn’t break up.

In fact, we recently visited their house, and they now have two kids.

They seem stronger than ever.

Meanwhile, the couple we thought would last forever?

They broke up the fastest.

This experience shows how unpredictable relationships can be.

It also highlights a critical question:

• When should someone’s past matter in dating?

The Role of the Past in Dating

Guys typically care about a girl’s past, especially in terms of promiscuity, while girls often focus on a guy’s temperament.

If a guy finds out his girlfriend has been with many other guys, he might feel uneasy.

Similarly, if a girl discovers that her boyfriend has been aggressive or violent in the past, she’s likely to feel the same way.

These two aspects…a man’s concern about a woman’s past relationships and a woman’s concern about a man’s temperament…can be crucial in dating.

Should You Judge Someone for Their Past?

This is a tricky question.

If someone asks me, “Do you think people can change?”

I would say absolutely.

But if they ask me, “Do you judge people by their past?”

I’d say yes.

These two contradictory ideas can exist simultaneously.

I know that if a girl I’m dating was promiscuous, it would bother me.

You, on the other hand, might not care.

But if you ask, be prepared to hear something that may not be pleasant.

Let’s say you’re a girl wondering about your boyfriend’s temperament.

If you ask him, “Have you ever been violent with a woman?” you have to assume you might hear the worst possible answer.

When you do, you’re left with two clear choices:

• Either break up with him or forgive him.

What you don’t want to do is stay in a gray area where you string the person along, unsure of what to do.

You have to assess yourself.

Are you capable of dealing with difficult information about someone’s past?

Or will you be stuck in that gray area, where neither you nor your partner moves forward?

For me, if I find out the girl was too promiscuous then I’ll end it.

I ask about the past because I want to know if someone aligns with my values.

If not, I make a clean decision to move on.

The Bigger Picture

Before making your decision, remember that everyone has some sort of past, including you.

You don’t want to be overly judgmental or unforgiving.

Every human has issues, whether they stem from their family life, professional life, or personal history.

In today’s dating landscape, the past does matter.

You can’t run away from it.

Just when you think you’ve left it behind, someone from your hometown may show up, revealing everything you wanted to hide.

If you’re with someone you see as a life partner, be as transparent as possible.

Eventually, the truth will come out.

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– ArmaniTalks