Do You Take Too Long to Respond Back in Conversations?
What often works great solo doesn’t always work great in conversations.
For example, being thoughtful in a solo setting is fantastic.
Taking your time to go through your options, weighing them, and formulating a decision is a smart thing to do.
But when you bring this same mindset to conversations, it will annoy others.
The conversation partner thinks:
“Whenever I ask this person a question, they take forever to respond back.”
If you consistently take too long to respond, people will hesitate to ask you anything.
They will assume you’re boring or snobby.
My Experience with a Coworker Who Responded Too Slowly
There was a coworker I didn’t like much.
She was so quiet and often came across as aloof.
Anytime I had to interact with her, she’d shove a stack of papers in my face and say:
“Sign it.”
I couldn’t stand her.
One day, I was told I had to train her for a job.
I was annoyed.
Dang, now I have to interact with this girl.
Surprisingly, when we talked, she asked me a lot of thoughtful questions about myself.
She was genuinely curious!
I decided to return the favor and asked her some questions too.
But every time I asked her something, she would sit there in silence.
Sitting in silence occasionally is fine, but she did it a lot.
Sometimes, she’d nod her head slightly to acknowledge she heard me.
Other times, she kept doing what she was doing before.
I’d repeat my question, and she’d reply in a fed-up tone:
“I heard you.”
I thought, “Well, if you heard me, how about you let me know?!”
Conversations with her were exhausting.
Why Slow Responders Drain Conversations
Slow responders can suck the life out of a conversation because of the dread they create.
When I asked this coworker a question, and she stayed silent, 4 seconds felt like 40 minutes.
10 seconds felt like an eternity.
During that time, I wondered:
- Did I ask something dumb?
- Did she even hear me?
I wanted to repeat my question but worried she’d think I was rushing her.
All that uncertainty created dread.
Eventually, I stopped asking her as many questions.
I’d wait for her to start the conversation instead.
And slowly, we grew more distant.
The Power of Imperfection
An imperfect but well-timed response is better than a “perfect” slow response.
Here’s why…
There’s no such thing as a perfect response!
If you’re a slow responder trying to craft the perfect thing to say, the other person won’t perceive it as perfect.
What they’ll notice is the dread caused by your long pause.
It’s better to say what’s on your mind…within reason, of course.
You don’t want to blurt out something crude, so use your judgment.
But avoid taking too long.
Practicing Your Speed in Conversations
Over time, charismatic people develop a natural compass for conversations.
They understand that not all silences are awkward.
For example, if you’re spending the whole day with someone and there’s a quiet moment, that’s perfectly fine.
However, if you’ve just met someone and there are too many silences, it feels awkward.
The early stages of a conversation are prime opportunities to ask questions and contribute.
Don’t waste them by being overly quiet.
There’s also a difference between nuanced and straightforward questions.
For instance:
- “What is the meaning of life?” – It’s fine to take some time to think about your answer.
- “Are you hungry?” – If you take a long time to respond, you’ll just come off as annoying.
Respond faster, homie.
My Future Interactions with the Coworker
That quiet coworker wasn’t a bad person.
She taught me that many quiet people actually have interesting questions to ask.
She also taught me to be a bit more patient in social interactions.
You’ll encounter people who take a long time to respond.
Be patient with them.
You can’t control their behavior.
But this post isn’t about teaching others to respond faster…it’s about you.
Some people are naturally slow responders.
That’s just who they are.
But if you want to avoid creating awkwardness in conversations.
Control what you can.
Speed up your responses a bit to keep things smooth.
Final Tip
If you read this whole post and thought:
“I get what they’re saying, but I’m still going to respond slowly. That’s just who I am!”
No offense taken.
But do one thing:
- Acknowledge the question with your body language.
Give a slight smirk, a light head nod, or a simple “mhm.”
Anything!
Don’t just continue doing what you were doing before.
When you fail to acknowledge the question, others have no clue you even heard them.
By staying silent and unresponsive, you come off as arrogant.
Take a moment to acknowledge the other person.
It keeps the conversation flowing smoothly.
The more conversations you have, the more you’ll develop a sense of when to speak and when to stay silent.
For more tips on social skills, be sure to check out my book, the Charisma King
– ArmaniTalks 
