Dealing with Anger Issues
Accepting your emotions will make you feel human.
Suppressing your emotions will transform you into a monster.
Emotions are never supposed to be suppressed.
‘Even when dealing with anger issues?’
Yep, even with an emotion like anger.
Instead of suppressing it, the key is to build awareness & understand it on a deeper level.
When you can do that, you can take the bonus step of transmuting your anger.
‘Transmuting my anger?’
Yep. This is when you channel your anger into a creative task.
Each emotion serves as a data point that can bring out our best selves.
The goal of emotional intelligence is to build a strong understanding of our internal world.
With that understanding, we are able to move more gracefully in the external world.
What Causes Anger?
For the most part, anger is a hybrid between fear & shame.
The fear and shame could have stemmed from your past or the present moment.
So if you look close, you’ll notice that anger is a byproduct emotion.
It’s secondary to a deeper cause.
In ancient times, anger served as a form of signaling.
Most animals have a voice.
And behind that voice is a tone.
When an animal is angry, they have a sharper, louder, stronger tone.
Indicating they are angry.
Animals feel anger in a different context.
It’s a form of survival.
With the case of humans, this anger emotion was often unlocked in survival situations too.
But in the modern days, we aren’t often in physical danger.
However, we believe we are in danger when something sparks the trigger.
We feel a sense of fear subconsciously that something may cause us harm.
Whether it’s physical harm or reputational harm.
The shame part stems from us feeling embarrassed after pondering that this fear has occurred.
Humans are not afraid of failing.
Humans are afraid of being judged for failing.
Anger is formed thru this awkward bridge of fear & shame.
From your smallest bursts of anger to the biggest moments of rage.
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How to Accept Anger
You want to take some time and evaluate which predominant emotion sparks your anger.
Is it fear or shame?
Or is it both?
At first, the ego fights you on this.
Because fear or shame puts you in a weak position.
Your ego says ‘Yo dawg, I’m not scared or shameful! What the fuck?’
Then the ego convinces you that you are showcasing anger due to ‘power.’
But this is a lie.
This is also why we normally feel embarrassed AFTER our temper tantrums.
It’s because we know we were in the wrong.
We don’t feel like that if we were showcasing power.
So the beginning of accepting this anger is to try to spot one or both of the core emotions.
Fear or shame?
Which one do you think it is?
And if you think it’s both, acknowledge it.
No need to get stuck on this.
Just ponder on what the core emotions may be as we move on…
Noticing the Anger Leadup
Wanna know something?
Everyone feels angry at times.
‘Even zen monks?’
But the only difference is that they are highly AWARE.
They are able to view their anger as a 3rd party observer rather than identifying with it.
This is a tough process.
The process of detaching yourself from anger.
But the key is to work your way to gradually building that awareness muscle.
There are random things that can irritate you.
Try to notice as MANY details as you can LEADING to the blow-up.
Say you routinely get angry in traffic.
Find a day where you embrace yourself getting mad because you know it’s going to be busy on the road.
EMBRACE the anger arising.
As you are in traffic, you’ll notice sensations in your body.
Narratives that the mind is creating.
And shallow breaths.
Notice all those details.
Just observe it. No need to say ‘yo don’t be angry.’
Instead, do your best to observe as a third party observer.
‘What am I working towards?’
We are getting to the point where you are able to accept the bursts of anger.
And have a neutral attitude towards it.
Sort of like watching a scary movie.
You know those parts in a scary movie where it’s super silent… and out of nowhere, the movie director scares you with this JUMP scene?
A monster attacks the actress and a LOUD noise is played?
When you don’t expect this, you get startled & your heart skips a beat.
But if you watched enough scary movies & KNOW that there is going to be a jump scene any second, you have a calmness to you.
It’s because now you are observing the movie as a 3rd party viewer rather than the actress who is getting jumped by the monster.
We wanna do that.
We are just getting you to be the moviegoer who observes.
This part is optional.
But heavily recommended.
What I found out is that with accepting anger & learning more about it…
You slow down your movements.
Slowed movements slows down your breath, which deactivates the amygdala (fear portion of the brain).
And a calm demeanor is gradually restored.
But I perceive anger as something more than a destructive emotion.
I perceive it as a creative emotion.
And it’s one of the emotions I leverage with this blog.
The beauty of anger is that it serves as electricity to me.
At a natural state, copper has electrons that are aimlessly bouncing around.
Serving a minimal practical purpose.
But when we connect that copper with a battery & bulb…
The electrons now have DIRECTION.
That targeted direction of electrons is known as electricity.
My philosophy with anger is finding your battery & bulb.
Aka a creative task.
Using anger and redirecting it into any form of creative task helps you use it as electricity.
Not only do you have a creative task that you improve on, but you become emotionally intelligent as well.
This is a hack to building maturity, thick skin & confidence.
A fun way of dealing with anger issues.
I call it rage transmutation.
Dealing with Anger Issues & Building the EQ
Emotions are physical sensations with a perception attached to it.
That’s about it.
But that’s not what it feels like.
Emotions often feel real & paint our reality.
When our emotions control us, we can make a lot of mistakes in the communication skills world.
We become impulsive.
But when we control our emotions, there’s a level of peace we feel.
We feel like the CEO of something…
Try to trace back to what is causing the anger.
Fear and/or shame?
Accept it by understanding it.
Understand the narratives in your mind and the physical sensations in your body.
If you’re feeling up to the challenge, DIRECT the anger into a creative task.
That’s how we take control.
The mind learns thru facts, charts & data.
The heart learns thru tension, betrayal & losses.
No one said building EQ & dealing with anger issues was going to be easy.
But it will nevertheless be fruitful.
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