Conversation MISTAKE: Spotlight Jacking
The following chapter is from the Charisma King eBook.
Here is a mistake:
When someone is telling you a story & instead of asking them follow up questions, you make the story about you.
‘I also remember when something like that happened to me…..’
And you go off on a long tangent.
This quirk plummets your likeability.
‘Oh shit! I do this a lot!! Are you telling me that people are resenting me for it?’
Ya.
‘But I just wanted to show that I have something in common with their story.’
I know. You have the right heart, but the wrong tactic.
Let me explain.
When you make the story about yourself, it makes the other person think:
1. You were not paying attention.
2. You are being self-centered.
3. You are being annoying.
‘Gotcha! Is it ever okay to include myself in the story?’
Sure.
Contributing some points of your own can actually make the storyteller feel like you are paying attention.
But make sure to give the spotlight back!!
That’s where many people make a mistake.
They start off by contributing…
Then they contribute some more….
And more….
And eventually, they contribute so much that now the story is magically about them!
SOCIALLY UNINTELLIGENT.
Would you like it if you were telling someone a funny story & they made it about themselves?
‘Not at all.’
Well, other people are the same way.
Be more considerate.
Here are a few possible ways to handle this social interaction:
- Ask questions.
- Analyze their tonality to see which points excite them & ask a question about that.
- Make them elaborate hazy points.
- Contribute, then give the spotlight back.
- Listen.
‘Dang man, I feel like a jerk for all the times I stole the spotlight.’
It’s okay, better late than never.
Just make sure you fix this quirk for future interactions.
Now with that being said, this is a very easy fix to make.
Most people do not spotlight jack out of maliciousness.
They do it due to a lack of awareness.
This discussion has now made you aware, so there should be no reason for you to do it in the future.
As the old saying goes:
‘Charisma isn’t about getting other people to love you. Charisma is about getting other people to love themselves.’
Now you know how to carry a conversation like a charismatic beast.
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