Can People Change?
This is a question that we often wonder: can people change?
And typically, the question is asked after a lot of frustration.
We have had it with this particular fellow & desperately wonder if there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
‘Well, can they change??’
Yes, anyone can change.
But the question is, will they?
Ultimately, humans are very complex creatures that have the power to adapt.
Think about your own life for example.
There may have been many chapters that have evolved from the prior ones.
But think about the context of your change.
Was it easy?
How long did it take?
And what made you consider the change in the first place?
These questions lead you to a deeper understanding of human nature.
And a deeper understanding of yourself will lead to a deeper understanding of others.
Today, I am going to share with you the complexities of change & how to spot TRUE change from fake change.
This article will help you spot a genuine person from a potential snake.
So buckle up and let’s enter the world of social skills.
Why Don’t More People Change?
‘So Armani, you are saying ANYONE can change. So why don’t more people do it?’
We are the main characters in our lives.
Therefore, we view life through our lens based on our past experiences.
The reason more people don’t change is that in their world, they do not find a reason to change.
This is because your view of what is ‘correct’ often does not equate to their view.
I knew a parent back in the days who forced their kid to play soccer.
But the kid hated soccer & loved basketball.
So time and time again, the dad was getting frustrated with their kid for not willing to change.
And the kid was getting mad at the dad for being forced into something that they had no interest in.
Before asking yourself why someone doesn’t change…
Ask yourself if they are even considering a change in the first place.
This will help you spot people who have similar core principles to you & those who don’t.
If you 2 have different core principles, then change isn’t what you should be focusing on.
What Causes Change?
Change comes to people in different parts of their life.
It’s hard to give one particular reason as to why someone decides to evolve.
But here are a few reasons that I have noticed:
Trauma helps a human detach from their ego.
They are forced into a different line of thinking that they were not used to.
Picture a person who thought they were the best engineer on the planet.
And their cocky attitude annoyed everyone at work, especially their boss.
So after a long period of frustration, the boss one day decides to fire this worker.
The worker is shocked.
But that sudden level of trauma may cause a significant enough impact for the worker to do some deep soul searching.
Gaining that level of perspective may lead to an evolution.
Most change often happens gradually.
Different experiences pile up in a human’s life which leads to an added level of perspective over time.
Picture a troublesome student who always used to get in trouble in school.
They hated their teacher.
Well, that student grows up to become a teacher.
Now they understand the teacher’s point of view & have had a behavior shift.
This is an example of a gradual change that has occurred.
When To Spot Real Change from Fake Change
I used to find it funny when I saw a person take back a toxic ex who claimed they ‘changed.’
Because apparently this change happened in under a week.
I’m not buying it.
Here’s the thing about long-lasting change.
It requires A TON of work, introspection, reflection, etc.
I stated earlier that trauma can lead to change.
But I did not state that trauma will solidify it.
Before taking back a person who did you wrong, you want to place much more importance on the actions, not words.
The words are easy to spill out.
However, the action is what separates the pretenders from the contenders.
But not any kind of action.
Anyone can pretend to be a brand new person for a few weeks.
But to spot a significant character change requires consistency over a long period of time.
No reminder from you or anything.
That’s when you can spot genuine change.
Accept or Avoid?
Ultimately, one lesson many of us learn the hard way is that you can’t change people.
You can only allow them to change themselves.
Trying to change someone sparks resentment.
And that resentment will often have them pulling a snake move on you.
My personal recommendation is to evaluate where they are, evaluate where you are, and then decide if you 2 are a good fit or not.
Many times, the fit will be on point.
Many times, the fit will be poor.
And that is fine.
Allow them to walk a different path.
If you two meet again, then you will meet again.
But for now, cut the chord and allow them to do their own thing.
Go no contact, or love them from a distance.
If you have ever tried implementing a positive habit into your life, then you know how tough it is.
How much work it requires.
Remember that level of work when you try changing someone else.
Not as easy as it seems.
Detach from your ego & evaluate the situation for what it is.
Not what you wish it to be.
Keep Your Circle Small and Full of Quality
Ultimately, as you begin and continue your level up journey, you stop trying to change people.
You focus on improving yourself.
Those who stay, stay.
Those who don’t meet the requirements, can see the exit door.
In the social world, everyone has their own egos.
They are operating from their own beliefs.
Your goal is to be responsible for yourself & help others when needed.
But not to change them.
Use this blog post as a reminder the next time you wonder, can people change?
Then remind yourself, yes they can.
Anyone can change.
But ultimately, it will be a process that they take, not you.
And their dedication to that process will dictate whether they are being serious or not.
Then it will be your chance to decide what to do next.