Can Exes Be Friends?

A golden question that is asked no matter where you’re from:

Can exes be friends?

This is a blurry question due to the emotions that are involved.

Some will say, of course.

And others will say, hell no.

My view is towards the latter.

However, I understand that different cases call for different advice.

Let’s break down how the initial stage of a breakup works & the psychology regarding post break up.

From understanding a few core concepts regarding emotional intelligence, you’ll be able to decide the answer of, can exes be friends, for yourself.

How Post Break Up Works

In the real world, it’s rarely just a case of a breakup & that’s it.

There’s what we call the post break up.

‘What’s that?’

It’s called the dance.

The dance is the post break up portion which consists of the memory lane trips.

Emotions love familiarity.

Better yet, humans love familiarity.

After a breakup, as some time has passed, one party will often contact the other party & be like:

‘Do you remember the good old times?’

Something of that gist.

And during that moment, emotions spark thoughts from the subconscious mind of the past.

These past thoughts are normally positive & nostalgic.

The danger is that the breakup happened for a reason.

During the dance section, the negative thoughts that led to the breakup are suppressed.

And if the person who is contacted, goes down memory lane, now the on again & off again post-breakup section is beginning.

This is when a couple breaks up, gets back together, breaks up again & so on.

We all know a couple like that.

And if you don’t, then you may be the couple like that.

North Carolina…

A common phrase that’s used is North Carolina.

North Carolina is slang for No Contact.

Both have the N.C. acronyms.

Why is no contact important?

Because that’s how the emotions adjust.

As I said, emotions love familiarity.

And constantly being exposed to an ex makes it difficult to move on.

‘Can you define moving on?’

Sure.

Moving on comes down to accepting the past experiences with the ex & now looking forward to the future.

Many people don’t reach their full potential because they don’t know the art of moving on.

North Carolina can be tough when you have kids with the ex.

So in that case, going no contact may not be an option.

As I stated earlier, the whole concept of can exes be friends is relative.

You may have to stay cordial with an ex-wife or ex-husband for the sake of other parties involved.

But for the people without any obligations to kids?

My advice is to go with no contact.

Block, delete pictures, give back gifts & all that.

Although this may seem cruel, it’s just the game of emotional intelligence.

The question is, do you want to move on or not?

Can Exes be Friends in ANY Circumstances?

After a breakup, one party, or both, are pretty emotional.

And an abundance of emotions leads to a scarcity of logic.

In cases like this, ask-holes are born.

‘Lol what’s that?’

An ask-hole is someone who asks for advice but doesn’t listen to a word.

They ask for advice in troubling times more so as a form of therapy.

They don’t really want advice, they just want someone to hear them out & hopefully reaffirm what they feel.

Cool.

If you’re like most people, there may be the emotional side trying to ‘logic’ as to why you should stay friends with an ex.

And if you fall into this boat, the true question comes down to:

How important is moving on for you?

This question will determine whether you stay friends or not.

For some people, time is money…

They run a business, have a high-pressure job, or don’t want to stray from their direction.

Therefore, moving on is a MAJOR priority.

Trying to be a high performer with a broken heart is a tough task.

Therefore, this group goes no contact & begins doing productive tasks to move on.

Moving on starts happening when the person becomes stronger than negative emotions.

This requires an active effort.

Tasks such as picking up a hobby, being social, going to the gym are a few tasks to help move on.

However, there is a group of people who don’t view moving on as an immediate priority…

Therefore, this group is more likely to stay friends with an ex.

They are able to remain civilized & be friends.

Either they don’t have immediate productive tasks to take care of, or they just want to keep the friendship going.

A lot of couples were great friends before they became couples.

Ultimately, you want to ask yourself…

If my ex is dating someone else, will I be cool with it?

If so, then go ahead and be friends.

And if not, north Carolina playa.

Which Advice is Right For You?

Once again, the advice is all relative depending on a bunch of variables:

-How bad you want to move on?

-Which other parties are involved?

-The depth of the friendship beforehand.

Etc.

My typical advice is to cut contact & start the moving on process.

But that’s mainly due to my personality type.

Overall, I am ambitious & have an abundance mindset regarding people.

The phrase ‘there is plenty of fish in the sea’ is not only meant to be applied to the opposite sex.

It’s meant to be applied to people as a whole, in my world.

Overall, the answer will come down to self-awareness.

To make the best decision for yourself, try this:

-Imagine your future self was talking to you right now. What advice will they give?

This is a great way to find the right answer in context to your life.

We can ask others…

But don’t be surprised when hearing completely different advice from others.

And some intentionally give poor advice, so they can see drama play out.

Wierd, but seen it happen.

Ask others, sure.

But can exes be friends is a highly relative question that’s up for subjective interpretation.

Therefore, ask your future self & live with the answer.

Committing to a Decision

How is judgment built?

Thru trial & error.

Don’t be surprised if you make a decision, but unfortunately don’t stick to it.

Breakups can cause people with even the strongest willpower to act out of character.

People with experience can give the best advice in the world.

However, ultimately it’s up to the recipient to implement it.

Relationships have emotional charges involved.

Therefore, there will always be gray areas.

This may be one of the reasons we never learned how to handle a breakup during school.

Stay tough & keep moving forward.

Bouncing back from a breakup & learning as much of the lessons involved builds street smarts like none other.

If most lessons were learned, this will be a great way to build empathy towards others in the near future.

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– ArmaniTalks