Become Bulletproof: How to Toughen Up
I see a lot of talks nowadays encouraging sensitivity.
But I don’t see enough talks encouraging toughness.
Toughness seems taboo to others.
Toughness seems magical to me.
That bulletproof mindset is the fruit of effective work.
Can an unshakable mind be cultivated?
I believe so.
In my book, Level Up Mentality, I break down how the mind is a complex system.
This means there are a bunch of moving variables seeking alignment.
Without alignment, the mind will deteriorate.
When the moving variables align under a compelling narrative & strong work ethic, something miraculous happens.
‘Which is?’
Joy.
Toughening up is something that should be encouraged.
It’s a supreme quality that can be unlocked at will.
False Perceptions of Toughness
Media & words carry a ton of preconceived notions.
The preconceived notions seem harmless at first.
But these harmless interpretations influence behavior.
When you think of an entrepreneur, what do you think?
‘I think of a savvy guy who knows how to run a business & make money.’
Sure. That’s one perception.
Another quality of an entrepreneur is a person who can create & perceive creation.
This is a person who looks around them and sees that the world is moldable.
Where the consumer sees a lamp.
The entrepreneur sees a collection of parts that creates the lamp.
‘What the hell does this have to do with being tough?’
In terms of toughness, what are your preconceived notions in regard to it? What do you think of?
‘I think of a guy with a sour face that is taking all the brutal hits that life is throwing at them.’
Sour face, you say?
‘Of course! Tough people must despise having to be tough.’
Preconceived notion…
Why Joy Symbolizes Toughness
Time to ditch the outdated paradigm that toughness must be a grueling process.
Time to adopt that toughness can be a joyous process.
Imagine 2 scenarios:
-A basketball player who rolls their ankle and decides to ‘tough it out’ to finish the game.
VERSUS
-A basketball player who rolls their ankle, barely notices & continues playing because they are having so much fun.
For the first scenario, it feels like the basketball player is pushing a car up the mountain.
While the second scenario paints a more appealing light.
Toughness should be associated with joy.
Great minds go beyond words & preconceived notions.
Sometimes, it’s necessary to be sad & uncomfortable.
Maybe joy is not the right emotion at the moment.
However, joy being set as a target after the dark emotions subside never hurts.
It’s like a driver who is lost.
Yes, it’s smart to acknowledge that they are temporarily lost.
But them temporarily being lost does not change the destination they have in mind.
If the destination is lost too, then they will continue to spin in circles.
Make joy the destination when thinking of toughness.
Learn how in Tough Love: 101 Short Stories, Essays & Insights to Improve Communication Skills:
Building Social Skills with Toughness
Rude people exist.
Insensitive people exist.
There will be people who say things that hurt your feelings.
That’s the nature of the game, bud.
However, asking for safe spaces & trigger warnings is not ideal.
Heck, that creates a dependent mentality.
Rather than asking something like:
Why didn’t this person give me a safe space?
Ask:
How can their comments bounce off my bulletproof skin?
At one point or another, learning how to toughen up is exercised into a person.
It takes some people longer than others.
But eventually, nature wires the psyche to be more patient & bulletproof.
Rather than this being a process that ‘just happens.’
How about we take the deliberate effort to toughen up now?
Why Shame Teaches Us How to Toughen Up
Some call it ‘embarrassment.’
Some call it ‘accelerated learning.’
For my first planned speech in Toastmasters, I had my back facing one side of the audience the ENTIRE time.
Other than that, I got compliments on the speech.
There was 1 guy at the end of the meeting who stood up & threw shots at me.
He said:
‘Some speakers should have more respect and give attention to the entire audience. We matter too.’
I could see other members glancing at me.
But I had no clue he was talking about me.
Once the meeting ended, others started critiquing me on the matter.
I was embarrassed as hell!
It was a struggle learning public speaking in the first place.
But something like this happening on my FIRST planned speech?
No way can I move forward.
Nah…
I can.
And I will.
Because a few years earlier, when I had gotten called on stage for a short impromptu talk, I didn’t say a word.
Choked on stage.
I thought it was the end of the journey.
Nope.
It was just the beginning.
Shame is accelerated learning.
View it like that.
How to Toughen Up Through Mental Reframes
‘Alright Armani, I see the importance of learning how to toughen up. Can I begin today?’
Yes, you have to begin today.
Otherwise, the mind starts procrastinating.
Rather than slapping a cup out of someone’s hand to show what a tough guy you are…
Acknowledge a regret…
One of those ‘ah… I wish it didn’t turn out like that’ moments.
Then willingly bring it up in your mind.
Do not try to change anything.
Just coexist with the feeling.
Feels the sensations.
Allow it to radiate in your body.
Acknowledge those sensations.
The more the suppressed feelings get acknowledged…
The tougher you will feel.
When the ‘worst thing’ that the narrative mind created is happening right now.
You’ll see the ‘worst thing’ was an illusion of the narrative mind.
You are not the story.
You are the watcher of the story.
When that realization is made first hand, that’s when mental toughness turns from an activity that is met with a sour face.
Into utter joy.
That’s the essence of building a bulletproof skin.
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– ArmaniTalks 
