Are Coffee Dates Bad First Dates? [Nuanced Response!!]

Are Coffee Dates Bad First Dates? [Nuanced Response!!]



Coffee dates have been getting a lot of hate lately.

Some are all for it while others state that it is low effort.


The people who say that coffee dates are low effort make a lot of good points.

One of their points is that, “if a man really cares about you, then they will spend money on you.”


These women have been thinking of unique comebacks too when asked on a coffee date.

‘I’m sorry, I already have a coffee machine at home.’


Other women don’t see what the big deal is.

They disagree with the anti-coffee daters and say that a coffee date is a great initial informal meeting.

  • If y’all vibe, then can keep it going. If y’all don’t vibe, then move on.


The anti-coffee daters are still not feeling the caffeine dates.

Their resentment for coffee dates only grows and their comebacks only become wittier.


Why Coffee Dates Are the Perfect First Dates


The reason a coffee date is the perfect first date is because it’s informal.


Where one group may say that it shows low effort, another group will say:

‘Who says I am going to show low effort forever? I want to make sure that my effort is going to be appreciated before I go all in.’


Imagine that you spend 200 dollars on a dinner, and you and your date don’t even vibe!

She’s checking her phone the entire time, disengaged, and you 2 have nothing to talk about.


Was the high effort worth it?



Since girls have to dress up more for dates, I believe the man should always cover for the first date.

However, I believe the man gets to choose where the first date is going to be.


The Cascading Effect


Coffee dates are a way to see if there is a vibe.

What happens next is known as the “cascading effect.”


If the coffee date was not a vibe, then you 2 can go your respective ways.

Only 45 minutes and 13 dollars have been wasted.


But there will be times when the coffee date is a hit!


I’ve had moments where the coffee date went from 45 minutes to 4 hours.

During the date, I got intel on what she likes to do.

At one point, she said:

‘I still haven’t been to the Salvador Dali Museum. I always wanted to go.’


After the coffee date is done, I suggest we go to the museum for date 2.

She noticed that I was listening and is happy.


You don’t win at the coffee date.

You win after the coffee date.


A lot of times, you 2 will meet up for coffee in the beginning of the day.

After that, if both of you are free, the guy will suggest going for pizza.

Then a movie…


Just like that, an entire day has been spent together.


Don’t just think “coffee date.”

Think “cascading effects.”

The cascading effects can happen on the same day or for future meetups.


When to Go Beyond a Coffee Date for a First Date


I believe if you are meeting someone for the first time, then coffee dates are smart.

But let’s say you 2 have been talking for a while and you have more intel on what they want.

Then I believe it’s smart to explore other options beyond coffee.


For example:

Let’s say I have been talking to a girl from Texas for a long time via dating apps.

We texted, talked on the phone, did FaceTimes, etc.

I know a lot about her (her career, goals from the dating app, and family life).


If I’m traveling to meet her for the first time, then only a coffee date would be poor decorum.

It’s because I have a lot of intel.


Practically speaking, that doesn’t often happen.

If I’m traveling to a different state to meet her, then I will most likely be staying for a couple of days.

If coffee was the first item on the itinerary from a list of events, then that’s fine.


So, the only time I’m against a coffee date is if you know this person really well, and you only planned a coffee date.

It’s better to use the intel that you gathered and base your date on that.


Weighing your Options


A lot of girls believe that when a guy suggests a coffee date, then chances are that he’s most likely talking to other people.

My question is:

‘Is this the only guy you’re talking to?’


I doubt it!!


You don’t know the person you are matching with on a dating app.

Weighing your options is the smart thing to do in the beginning.


A typical guy will right-swipe a ton, see who responds, who is down to go on a date, and who will actually show up to the date.

A lot of leads are needed.

From 30 matches, 8 will turn into dates, 5 will show up, 2 will be a vibe.


And this is only 1 rep!

From the 2, if neither had long-term potential, rinse & repeat the process.


It’s normal to have a bunch of options in the beginning.

Guys do it, and girls do it too.


Don’t Let a Bunch of Bitter Women Leave You Single


On social media, you can make anything sound cute.

These social media influencers don’t even believe the garbage they type.


If you ask a lot of them how they met their partner, they will say something informal.

It wasn’t exactly a coffee date, but it was:

‘We went for drinks.’


That’s almost the same thing!


Plus, a lot of these girls dishing out advice don’t even have a partner.

They have been in the dating landscape for 7+ years with nothing to show for it.


They are entitled.

It’s not the coffee dates they should be worried about, it’s their undeserved high standards.


No one owes you anything.

A coffee date is the perfect first date to see if there is a vibe.


For more no-nonsense dating advice, check out the ArmaniTalks Free Daily Newsletter


– ArmaniTalks 🎙️🔥


Share This On:


Level up your communication skills with a new email everyday at 7pm EST


Armani Talks: Level Up Mentality : A Guide to Re-engineer your Mindset for Confidence - Book By Armani Talks


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


Join the
ArmaniTalks 🎙️🔥

Stay updated with all latest tips , tricks & strategies to build communcications skills.



Get the Free eBook by signing up below.​
You can unsubscribe anytime
Build communication skills with daily tips
Join 10K subscribers


Level up your communication skills with a new email everyday at 7pm EST