4 Signs That You’re a Picky Dater

Ah… the “picky” label.

It’s one of the worst labels to get, especially when you’re in the dating market.

It’s like having the scarlet letter.

People are wary of introducing you to others because they think you’ll only find faults in them.

You are the first to explain the context!

Yes, you come off as picky.

But if you were given the chance to explain why you are picky, then they will understand.

Reality check…

They will not!

The public will just roll their eyes and think you’re being stubborn for no reason.

The more people you reject, the more your “picky” legend grows in power.

There are a few signs that you are being reasonable, and there are a few signs that you are being picky.

1. You’re Very Unforgiving

On Twitter, I hear business owners say:

‘If a person is even a second late to a meeting, I end the meeting. If they can’t respect my time, then why should I respect theirs?’

I think this outlook makes for a punchy tweet, but it’s not realistic.

Things happen in the real world.

You need to know when to be forgiving.

My philosophy is:

• Be forgiving a few times, until someone crosses a boundary.

Picky people are super unforgiving.

They have watched a lot of horror dating storytimes on Tik Tok.

They think the bad moments that happened to the person delivering the storytime can also happen to them.

So, when they see a potential red flag, they end it quickly.

Rather than look for context, they hit the eject button.

2. You Have a List of Demands for Others, but None for Yourself

I see a lot of dating coaches telling their clients to make a detailed list of what they want in a partner.

I think that’s an awful idea.

Rather than making a detailed list of 50+ items, list out 3 priorities.

These 3 priorities are non-negotiable.

Anything else can be worked with.

A good list:

• Has to be the same religion as me.
• Willing to have kids.
• Willing to relocate to my city.

A bad list:

• Has to be 6 feet tall.
• Has to like dogs.
• Must smell good.
• Must match his belt with his shoes.
• Has to be romantic.
• Has to be a Harry Potter fan.
• Must make me laugh.

Blah blah blah.

The more items you add to your list, the more you go from being clear to being confused.

Each item you add to your list makes you more judgmental.

You evaluate others from this imaginary list that you created.

When you’re judgmental, you become hyper-aware of others’ mannerisms, but completely unaware of your mannerisms!

What the hell do YOU bring to the table to be having so many demands?

Life Irony:

• People with the most demands often get the most offended when they get asked what they bring to the table.

3. You Cut it off After the First Date

Here’s a polarizing opinion:

• I think attraction can be built.

I’m not a big fan of the statement:

‘I just felt a spark when I saw them.’

Because who knows what is causing that spark?

What if you only felt the spark because this new date looked like your ex?

Humans are drawn to familiar faces.

Maybe you felt a spark because you think you’re getting a new shot with your ex due to the similar looks.

Does that sound healthy??

Hell no!!

You’re subconsciously trying to recreate the past due to how someone looks.

‘Armani, are you saying initial attraction is not important at all?’

I’m not saying that.

I think initial attraction is important.

However, rather than go for a spark, ask:

‘Would I ever want to kiss this person?’

If the answer is no, then there is no physical attraction.

If the answer is yes, but you didn’t feel an initial spark, then there is hope.

Give it another shot if they have a great personality.

Don’t always have the “grass is greener” mindset.

Other times, you will think that the person looked attractive, but the vibe was off on the first date.

That’s normal.

They may have been nervous.

You’ll see their authentic personality by dates 2-3.

Be a bit more patient.

4. You Look to Tell Embarrassing Stories Rather Than Recall What Really Happened

Recently, I was watching a Tik Tok of a girl who went on a first date.

She was making this date sound horrific.

Throughout her storytime, she made her date sound like a douche.

Randomly in the story, she said:

‘After we were done making out, we went to the new date spot…’

I thought:

‘Wait! Y’all were making out?’

That means he must’ve been doing some stuff right to get a kiss.

Rather than go in detail about what led to the kiss, she just brushed past it and began sharing more embarrassing details of the guy.

I’m pretty sure she told this “horrific” date story to multiple friends.

Each time she told it, she stripped away the good moments and amplified the bad moments.

Soon, she’ll go on dates just to look for a story.

She’s priming herself to be picky, she just doesn’t know it yet.

Give Others Grace

There are going to be times when you want grace from others.

You stopped responding because you were in a busy moment in life.

There were tragedies, job transitions, and endless problems.

When you texted them with a mature explanation of what happened, they quickly forgave you.

They took the time to understand what you went through.

They gave you grace.

Other times, you’re going to have to grant someone else grace.

The real world is not rainbows and butterflies.

People have bad days.

When you’re overly picky, you evaluate humans from an unreal lens.

All humans are flawed creatures.

It’s good to have some expectations.

Don’t be a doormat.

Just boil those expectations down to 3 non-negotiables.

For the rest?

Be willing to adapt.

For more insights into EQ and relationships, check out the Armani Archives: EQ Edition

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– ArmaniTalks