3 Common Questions That Annoy Single People
In one of my first jobs, I recall two coworkers getting angry at each other.
I was sitting in my cubicle, and there was a lady named Amy right across from me.
A guy named James was visiting Amy, and during their talk, they seemed to be bonding.
They were discussing all sorts of topics.
Suddenly, Amy got super comfortable and asked, “James, so I see you never got married?”
The conversation shifted quickly.
The question had an underlying tone, almost like she was implying, “What’s wrong with you?”
James snapped.
“Yeah, I never got married. What’s the big deal?”
He raised his voice, and I was surprised.
Did she ask something so bad?
You Never Know What People Are Sensitive About
Many people are sensitive about their relationship status.
It can be frustrating when others boldly pry into their personal lives.
Maybe they’re trying to find the right match but haven’t had success.
Also, others simply don’t care about being in a relationship.
It’s like asking someone who wants to rent an apartment forever, “Why don’t you buy a house already?”
Maybe they just don’t want to!
Now imagine someone gets asked this question 50 times throughout the year.
By the time you ask, they will snap.
Single people are often bombarded with questions about why they’re still single, and sometimes the questions come off as judgmental, even if that’s not the intention.
Here are three questions that single people tend to find triggering…
1. “Why Are You Still Single?”
This question is often meant as a compliment, but it comes across as rude.
It’s meant to imply, “You’re such a catch! How come you haven’t found the right person yet?”
However, what the person hears is, “What’s wrong with you?”
This question tends to become more triggering as people get older.
People in their 20s might let it slide, but once someone is in their 30s or 40s, you might notice aggravated body language when you ask this.
It’s better to let the person bring up their relationship status themselves.
If they say something like, “I’ve been on these apps, but they haven’t been working,” then you can follow up from there.
Let them lead the conversation.
2. “Don’t You Think It’s Time to Settle Down?”
This question is more acceptable if you’re super close with the person, but it’s inappropriate to ask someone you don’t know well.
One of my high school friends is 35 and single.
For the past five years, he’s said he needed to get his finances in order before considering a relationship.
This year, he got a huge pay bump and now makes six figures.
These days, he says he needs to get in shape before thinking about a relationship.
With him, I’ll joke, “Dude, don’t you think it’s time to settle down?” because I know his goal—he wants to have five kids, and I understand what it’s like out there.
Finding a match takes time, so he needs to factor that in.
But if I met someone at a wedding who came solo, and I didn’t know them well, it would be inappropriate to ask, “Don’t you think it’s time to settle down?”
Avoid asking such personal questions to people you don’t know well.
3. “Why Don’t You Talk to Her?”
I remember the days when I was single and hanging out with married friends.
Whenever we’d go out to eat, I’d hope the waitress wasn’t super attractive.
When she was, my married friends would smirk and ask, “Why don’t you talk to her?”
It was embarrassing!
Suddenly, I had at least 10 people looking at me as I tried to have a conversation with someone.
I’d overthink everything.
The pressure to say something witty would be immense.
By the time the waitress came to take my order, I’d say something like, “I’m normally a water guy, but let’s go with a Diet Sprite this time.”
Rather than getting a reaction, she’d note it down and move on to the next person.
I’d start blushing—fail!
My friends would look at me like, “That’s it? Keep going!”
I preferred if they just let me be.
I didn’t want my singleness to be the highlight of the evening.
If you’re chilling one-on-one with a single friend, it’s fine to encourage them to talk to someone else, especially if the other person is showing clear signs of interest.
But avoid making it a group spectacle.
Avoid Accidentally Being a Pain in the Butt
The questions I’ve highlighted may seem harmless, but they can be hurtful depending on the context.
Let the single person lead the conversation when it comes to their love life.
Avoid probing too much.
If you’re a parent concerned about your child’s lack of interest in relationships, have those conversations in private, not during a party or a group gathering.
People generally dislike it when their relationship status (or lack thereof) is discussed in group settings.
